20TH CENTURY FOX THEME PLAYS
SHOW TUNE PLAYS
# We're just two little girls from Little Rock
# We lived on the wrong side of the tracks
# But the gentlemen friends who used to call
# They never did seem to mind at all
# They came to the wrong side of the tracks
# Then someone broke my heart in Little Rock
# So I up and left the pieces there
# Like a little lost lamb I roamed about
# I came to New York and I found out
# That men are the same way everywhere
# I was young and determined to be wined and dined and ermined
# And I worked at it all around the clock
# Now one of these days in my fancy clothes
# I'm a-goin' back home and punch the nose
# Of the one who broke my heart
# The one who broke my heart
in Little Rock
# Little Rock, Little Rock
# Little Rock
# But little rocks or square rocks
# These gals must have their rocks
# Diamonds are a girl's best friend!
OVERTURE PLAYS
# I learned an awful lot in Little Rock
# And here's some advice I'd like to share
# Find a gentleman
# Who is shy or bold... #
HE BLOWS KISS
# Or short or tall
# Or young or old
# As long as the guy's a millionaire!
# For a kid from a small street, I did very well on Wall Street
# Though I never owned a share of stock
# And now that I'm known in the biggest banks
# I'm a-goin' back home and give my thanks
# To the one who broke my heart
# The one who broke my heart
# In Little Rock! #
APPLAUSE
Dorothy, wait a minute.
Louie, will you ask Mr Esmond to come back to our dressing room.
He's sitting in his usual place.
Right away, Miss Lee.
What's the rush? He's not going to run away.
I know, but I just can't wait. For what?
Dorothy! Didn't you notice? His pocket was bulging.
Ah, that could be a bag of gumdrops.
No, it was square bulge, like a box for a ring.
I think he's got a present for me.
You know, I think you're the only girl in the world
that can stand on a stage with a spotlight in her eye
and still see a diamond inside a man's pocket.
Thank you, Louie.
Good evening, Mr Esmond.
Won't you, pray, come in. Thank you, I'd love to.
Hi, Gus. Good evening, Dorothy.
You were wonderful tonight, darling. Simply wonderful!
You were magnificent! Thank you. You were good too.
Gee, thanks, Gus. That makes me feel all warm inside.
LORELEI GASPS
Mr Esmond!
Is it the right size?
Oh, it can never be too big. Do you think it's too small, Dorothy?
DOROTHY WHISTLES
Looks like it ought to have a highball around it.
I mean, does it fit your finger?
Oh. Yes, it fits perfect.
Daddy, I'll bet you made me the happiest girl in the world.
I don't know what you do, honey.
Unless you use novocaine in your lipstick?
Daddy?
Daddy? Huh? May I tell Dorothy?
If you wish.
Dorothy? Hmm?
Mr Esmond and I are going to be married.
To each other?
Of course to each other. Who else to?
Well, I don't know about you, Gus. I always sort of figured Lorelei
would end up with the Secretary of the Treasury. Dorothy, guess what.
On Saturday, we're sailing on the Isle de Paris.
"Ile" de Paris. We're going to be married in Europe.
Why not get married in America and then go to Europe?
Well... Or is that the old-fashioned way?
Well, we've made our plans.
KNOCKING ON DOOR
Come in.
Mr Esmond, long-distance call for you.
Oh, dear. From Dayton, Ohio.
Thank you very much, I'll be right there.
It must be Father.
Oh, I hope nothing's happened. I'll meet you at my table, dear.
Father! Never misses, Gus's old man.
Right on cue. Too bad, honey.
Nothing's going wrong this time.
Lorelei,
the old boy is not about to let you commit matrimony with his son.
I think he'd rather shove him down an elevator shaft.
Dorothy, I'm sailing on Saturday, with or without Mr Esmond.
And I'm not coming back from Europe until he comes and gets me.
And when we're in France,
where his father can't phone him twice a day...
Well. Gus'll never let you go alone.
Sometimes Mr Esmond finds it very difficult to say no to me.
Well, that's very possible.
SHIP HORN BLASTS
WHISTLE BLOWS
Come on, guys,
we can't check the roll if you don't stick together.
Peters? Here. Randall? Here.
Sanford? Here. Sims? Here.
Hey! Stevens? Look at that.
Stevens? Willard J Stevens?
Here. Why don't you answer? I'm busy.
THEY WOLF-WHISTLE
Wow! Boy, oh, boy!
Check your passport right over there. Thank you.
Pardon, please, is this the way to Europe, France?
To where?
Not Europe, France, honey.
France is in Europe. Who said it wasn't?
Well, you wouldn't say,
"Is this the way to North America, Mexico?" would you?
If that's where I wanted to go, I would. The dealer passes.
This ship goes to Cherbourg, France.
Thank you ever so. See?
Say, what's all the talent in the blue jackets?
That's not a band, is it?
No, no, Miss, that's the Olympic team. They're sailing with you on this ship.
The Olympic team? Yes.
For me! Now wasn't that thoughtful of somebody?
Dibs on the shot-putter. Dorothy Shaw!
I want you to remember
you're supposed to be the chaperone on this trip.
Now, let's get this straight, Gus.
The chaperone's job is to see that nobody else has any fun,
but nobody chaperones the chaperone.
But, Dorothy... That's why I'm so right for this job.
Passports, please.
Oh, I thought you were going to be late. Here's your ticket.
They're over there at the passport desk.
The one you're after's the blonde.
The brunette's her friend, Dorothy Shaw.
Never mind about her. We don't care what she does.
I care.
Have fun, son.
Come on, please you guys, move along.
Let's get on board. Have a nice trip.
Steve, suppose the ship hit an iceberg and sank.
Which one would you save from drowning?
Those girls couldn't drown.
Right in here, mademoiselle. Thank you.
My, it's just like a room, isn't it?
Oh, look! Round windows!
Yes, dear.
Just put that there, Frisbee. Yes, sir.
Oh, and, Frisbee, wait for me on the pier.
Yes, sir. Lorelei...
Where's Dorothy? I don't know.
Someone whistled at her and she disappeared.
I hope she's not going to be a bad influence on you?
Oh, no, lover.
Dorothy's not bad, honest.
She's just dumb. Always falling in love with some man
just because he's good-looking. Oh, dear, that's not...
I keep telling her it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man
as a poor man. But she says, Yes, but...
..if they're tall, dark and handsome,
she never gets around to vital statistics until it's too late.
Well... That's why I'm her best friend, I guess.
She really needs somebody like I to educate her.
Yes, dear. But very few girls have your wonderful willingness to learn.
I suppose that's true.
I want you to put this in a safe place.
What is it?
A letter of credit. Oh, that's real sweet!
You started writing me even before I went away.
No. No, dear, you see a letter of credit is like money.
Money? Yes, just take it to a bank in Paris when you get there.
Oh, that's wonderful!
Be sure and write me every day. I'll be so lonesome.
I bought you a little going-away present, dear.
Daddy! Daddy!
Sometimes I think there's only one of you in the whole wide world.
Oh, sorry, wrong room.
Who was that? A stranger. He had the wrong room.
Yeah, but he's good-looking. Hope he isn't just seeing someone off.
Dorothy. Well, quite a little place we have here.
Oh, hello, fellas, come on in. Folks, meet the relay team.
How do you do? Nice to know you? How do you do?
We're going to have ourselves a little bon voyage party.
Skeeter, put the phonograph in there.
Come on in, everybody. Use that door, come on in here.
Make yourselves at home. I'll get the glasses.
Hallo! Hi! You're welcome.
Who's got the champagne? There it is.
Dorothy Shaw, I'm counting on you to keep those athletes to yourself.
What a coincidence! That's my plan too.
Gangway! Pardon me. Who needs a glass? Want a glass?
Lorelei, I want to talk to you. Sure.
Dear, I want to tell you...
I want to remind you of something...very...
Stop that, please. It's most distracting.
Dear, a lot depends on how you conduct yourself on this trip.
As you know, Dad is dead set against our marriage.
And, well...even the slightest hint of any scandal,
even the slightest,
I don't know what I could do about it.
My goodness, lover. You don't have to tell me that.
Oh, I'd give anything in the world if I were sailing with you, baby.
Me too. I don't know what I'll do in Europe without you.
I don't know what I'll do without you, either.
I'm not so sure about that.
You can be a pretty naughty boy sometimes.
Oh, Lei, you don't have to worry about trusting me.
I do, though.
BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY
BELL RINGS
All visitors ashore!
First call. All visitors ashore!
# Bye-bye, baby
# Remember you're my baby when they give you the eye
# Although I know that you care, won't you write and declare
# That though on the loose, you are still on the square?
# I'll be gloomy, but send that rainbow to me
# Then my shadows will fly
# Though you'll be gone for a while
# I know that I'll be smilin' with my baby by and by and by
# With my baby by and by In the sweet by and by
# Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye We will meet on the beautiful shore
# Baby, bye, goodbye
# Bye-bye, pretty baby
# You better remember you're my baby
# When they give you the eye My, my!
# Although I know that you care, won't you write and declare
# Declare that though on the loose, you are still staying on the square
# I'll be gloomy
# But send that rainbow to me
# Then my shadow will fly
# Though you'll be gone for a while
# I know that I'll be smilin' with my baby by and by and by
# With my baby by and by
# I'll be in my room alone
# Every postmeridian
# And I'll be with my diary
# And that book by Mr Gideon
# Bye-bye, baby
# Remember you're my baby
# When they give you the eye
# And just to show that I care
# I will write and declare
# That I'm on the loose
# But I'll stay on the square
# I'll be lonely
# But even though I'm lonely
# There'll be no other guy
# Though I'll be gone for a while
# I know that I'll be smilin'
THUD
# With my baby by and by and by
# With my baby by and by
# I'll be gloomy, but send that rainbow to me
# Then my shadows will fly... #
All ashore! Last call! All ashore! Last call!
# Though you'll be gone for a while
# I know that I'll be smilin' with my baby by and by
# Bye-bye, baby
# Remember you're my baby
# When they give you the eye
# Although I know that you care
# Won't you write and declare
# That though on the loose, you are still on the square
# I'll be gloomy, but send that rainbow to me
# Then my shadow will fly... #
Hey, you better go! Oh, don't go!
Step back, please. Bye, lover!
# I know that I'll be smilin' with my baby by and by
# And by
# With my wonderful baby
# By and by
# Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye. #
Hi. Hi.
Hi, Miss Shaw. What are you going to be doing?
All right, you guys, keep moving.
"Mr Amos Jones and valet."
What are you doing?
I'm checking the passenger list.
"Mr Alfred Loman and valet."
"Mr Eugene Martin and valet."
Why the sudden interest in valets?
When a man has "and valet" after his name,
he's definitely worthwhile.
I'm simply trying to find a suitable gentleman escort for you.
Well, don't bother. I've just provided myself with about 20.
Dorothy, did you ever hear of a rich pole-vaulter?
Maybe not, but who cares? I like a man who can run faster than I can.
I hate to think where you'll wind up.
You're wasting all your time on unrefined persons without any money.
Honey, did it ever occur to you
that some people just don't care about money?
Please, don't be silly. We're talking serious.
You don't want to end up with a loveless marriage, do you?
Me, loveless?
That's right! Because if a girl's spending all of her time
worrying about the money she doesn't have,
how is she going to have any time for being in love?
I want you to find happiness and stop having fun.
That baffles me. You'll thank me some day.
Here's a good one - "Henry Spofford III and valet."
I remember reading
the Spofford family owns practically a whole state.
A big one too. I think it's Pennsylvania.
Well, I guess I could settle for Pennsylvania.
Hello, there, Mrs Henry Spofford III!
Mrs Henry Spofford III and valet.
He's not going to have anything I don't have.
I'll see you later.
Don't forget the cocktail party.
All right. 5:30.
The whole team? That's right. You got it. Until after the games.
You mean to tell me you eat at six and have to be in bed at nine?
That's right. Coach is strict. They check up on everybody.
Holy smoke, 9:00! That's just when life begins.
THEY LAUGH, WHISTLE BLOWS Not for us! All right, you guys.
One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.
COUNT CONTINUES
One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four, one...
Honey, you'll hurt yourself!
# I can't play tennis My golf's a menace
# I just can't do the Australian crawl
# And I'm no better at volleyball Ain't there anyone here for love?
# Sweet love Ain't there anyone here for love?
# I'm apathetic and non-athletic Can't keep up in a marathon
# I need some shoulder to lean upon and a couple of arms to hold me
# Ain't there anyone here for love?
# I'm not in condition to wrestle
# I've never trained in a gym
# Show me a man who can nestle
# And I'll pin a medal on him
# Need some chappie to make me happy and he don't have to be Hercules
# Don't anyone know about birds and bees?
# Ain't there anyone here for love?
# Sweet love
# Ain't there anyone
# Here for love? #
Doubles, anyone?
Court's free.
Two out of three, anyone?
SHE WHISTLES
Doesn't anyone want to play?
# I like big muscles and red corpuscles
# I like a beautiful hunk o' man
# But I'm no physical culture fan
# Ain't there anyone here for love?
# Sweet love Ain't there anyone
# Ain't there anyone
# Ain't there anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone
# For love? #
Did you say $50? Mai oui, monsieur.
That's a fairly tidy sum just to get a seat at a table.
That's the law of supply and demand, monsieur.
Already I've got many requests
for a seat at Miss Lee and Miss Shaw's table,
and the price goes up and up and up.
That's inevitable. Je regrette, monsieur.
Mm-hm.
Well, je regrette it more than vous.
However, the name's Malone.
Better get it down there while I can still afford it.
Merci Monsieur Malone.
Bonjour, mademoiselle. Are you the headwaiter?
At your service, mademoiselle. I'm Miss Lee.
Oh, Miss Lee.
Well, now I understand! What can I do for you, Miss Lee?
Put a certain gentleman at my table.
Oh, I'm humiliated, mademoiselle - there is nothing I can do for you.
All seating arrangements are completed, final, finished, compris?
That's too bad.
Once I was in Atlantic City and all the gentlemen in the hotel
wanted to sit at my table.
Well, I can understand that.
Some of them even went to the headwaiter to give him money.
That happens. What can one do? One takes it. Why not?
That headwaiter had to give it back.
Indeed? Why?
Because I had all my meals in my room.
I mean, I didn't even come to the table at all.
So, naturally, the men wanted their money back.
Oh, mademoiselle, I beg you...
Do you want me to have all my meals in my room?
That must not be, mademoiselle. Of course...
..if Mr Henry Spofford III is seated at my table...
Oh, it shall be, mademoiselle.
Thank you ever so. Mademoiselle.
UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS
Hi.
Oh, hi, Miss Shaw. Well, it's nice to see you.
In case you don't remember, my name is Watson.
Mr Watson. Here we are, all ready for you.
Thanks, I need it. Why, what's the matter?
Can you imagine, the entire Olympic team has to be in bed by 9:00?
What can you do about a thing like that?
Send a letter to your congressman.
Catch me a pigeon, I'd be glad to.
Er, Miss Shaw, may I present Sir Francis Beekman?
How do you do? How do you do? A pigeon, if there ever was one.
Note the blood-red ruby eyes.
Oh, I see! Now, Watson, there's no need to run a fellow down.
He's jealous because I have a way with the ladies. How do you do it?
What makes a difference with the ladies
is that diamond mine of yours. Diamond mine?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go on being the host.
Cheeky fellow. Good sort, though. Is it true?
What say we sit down and make ourselves comfortable? What?
I understand that you're an entertainer, Miss Shaw.
By Jove, I bet you're a good one, though. Thanks.
Say, is that on the level? Do you own a diamond mine?
Well, I'm happy to say I do, my dear.
Are you interested in diamonds?
No, no, not particularly, but, um...
Dearie me, really? You must be a very extraordinary girl.
Will you do me a favour, sir? Piggy, just call me Piggy.
Would you do me a favour, Piggy? Anything, my dear. Name it.
Would you be careful not to spread it around about your diamond mine.
I wouldn't want my girlfriend to hear about that.
Oh, she doesn't care for diamonds either, huh?
Believe me, Piggy, I'm only trying to save everybody trouble.
Do not tell her about the diamonds.
Did you say "diamonds"?
Well, well, well! By George, I must say!
No doubt about it, no sirree.
By George, no doubt about it at all.
Miss Lee, meet Piggy.
Delighted! Delighted!
You did say "diamonds." I can tell.
Yes, my dear. You see my firm
controls the second-largest diamond diggings in South Africa.
But it seems that we mustn't say anything about it.
This young lady has a friend she doesn't want to know about me.
I wonder why. Oh, no, you don't.
Pardon my saying so, but having heard so much about you and all,
I expected you'd be much older.
Me? Oh, why, you don't say.
Well, by George!
Older than what?
The Pyramids.
Of course, I always say if a man isn't a certain age,
he just isn't interesting.
Oh, honey, lay off!
Bless my soul. Bless my s...
Would you care to dance?
I would enjoy to dance. Thank you ever so.
Could you use another drink? No, thanks, I still have...
Can't tell the players without a programme.
Well, I certainly want to know who the players are.
For instance, who's the young man who just tried to steal second base?
My name's Malone.
Mine's Shaw, Dorothy.
Well, Mr Malone?
You're the most attractive girl in the room so I came over to tell you.
Do you mind?
No. I might as well warn you, flattery'll get you anywhere.
In that case, we haven't any problems.
As a matter of fact,
I've been wondering why you hadn't shown up before this.
Well, I... I had some business to attend to.
Then this isn't a vacation?
Not entirely. There's still a telephone.
In fact, I just had some bad news. Oh?
My best two-year-old will never run again.
Bowed a tendon. He's worth 30,000 or 40,000.
Well, not that I care about the money,
but this might've been a good one.
Oh, no, you're not one of those, are you?
One of what?
The kind who thinks he has to tell a girl how much money he has.
What's the matter with having money?
Yes, I'm afraid you are.
Do me a favour, will you, Malone?
Go whistle up a rope. Now, wait a minute...
You might as well know I can't stand rich playboys
who think all they have to do is start... Now, wait a minute!
I'm not that bad all the time. Sometimes I'm very nice.
Sometimes I just speak without thinking.
I get the picture. You're half sweet and half acid.
Please, Miss Shaw, I made a mistake. Yes, you did.
Honestly, someone gave me some bad information.
Now that I've put my foot in it,
it seems to me I remember that it wasn't you they were talking about,
but your girlfriend.
Oh, Lorelei. Or am I wrong again?
No, money is rather a hobby of Lorelei's.
LORELEI LAUGHS
Oh, Piggy!
You're kind of worried about her, aren't you?
You're very observing.
Am I forgiven?
Considering the man shortage on this craft...
Good. We'll start all over again. And I promise that I...
We're going to be interrupted.
We've just had a jolly time. What?
Oh, Mr Malone, Miss Lee and...Piggy. There I go again.
Sir Francis Beekman How do you do? How do you do? Hi.
Oh Dorothy, Piggy's a super-best dancer!
So light on his feet, you'd never believe it!
I was sure he would be.
Oh, now, say, you're just trying to flatter me, that...
What's the matter? Lady Beekman, my wife.
I thought it was his diamond mine.
There you are, my dear. Won't you come and join us?
I just have. Quite so, my dear.
Oh, may I present Miss Lee? How do you do? Miss Shaw. Hi.
Mr... Malone. How do you do?
LADY BEEKMAN: How do you do? A pleasure, I'm ever so sure.
Thank you. Thank you.
Come sit down, my dear, we're having a jolly time.
Lady Beekman, that's the most beautiful jewellery
I've ever seen in my whole life.
Oh, hm-mm, I'm quite proud of the earrings.
Heirlooms, you know. Been in the family for ages.
You'd never know it. They look just like new.
Oh, quite...
You might be interested in my tiara. I always carry it with me.
Afraid to leave it in the state room.
And you're not afraid to show it to Lorelei?
Now, stop. Lady Beekman won't know you're teasing.
Look! Did you ever?
Anywhere, anything like it?
All blue stones. Cosy little job, what?
May I just hold it for a minute? Of course.
How do you put it around your neck?
You don't, lovey, it goes on your head.
You must think I was born yesterday.
Well, sometimes there's just no other possible explanation.
No, no, my dear. She's quite right.
Like so. It's a tiara.
You do wear it on your head!
I just love finding new places to wear diamonds!
There's the music. If you'll excuse me, my dear,
Miss Lee has promised me this next dance.
We've got to dress for dinner now. But it's only...
We must go, Francis. Oh, well, all right. Au revoir.
A very pleasant au revoir to you.
Oh! My tiara. Thank you.
Poor fella.
Two-to-one she keeps him locked in her closet for the rest of the trip.
Listen, I'd be grateful if she did. I think he's cute.
That's not the point. You know very well, what I mean, you and that..
What are you doing?
Just testing.
Wonder what I'll wear it with when I...
How does it look?
Exactly like trouble.
I told the coalition leader
that what we need is a man who could do something about...
Finish your story, dear.
Merci, madame.
Your table, madame.
Good evening!
Miss Lee and Miss Shaw, this is Mr Crossley.
How do you do? Mr Franklin. Mr...
Mason. How do you do? And... Mr Brooks. How do you do?
BOTH: How do you do?
Isn't Mr Henry Spofford III here?
Not yet, but I believe this is his chair.
You're here, Miss Lee.
Miss Shaw, you're over here. Thank you.
Pardon me, my girlfriend's too shy to ask,
but could she please have your seat? But of course.
She gets sick if she rides backwards.
I'm sorry. Not at all.
How does it happen that we're at the same table?
This is the seat they assigned me, lady.
How much did it cost you?
I can't tell you. You'd get too conceited.
You're Mr Franklin, aren't you? Yes. Are you enjoying your trip?
Oh... How many times have you crossed? This is my...
Don't you feel alone out on a big ocean? Well, I...
I just adore conversation, don't you?
I certainly... Pardon, monsieur.
Mademoiselle, Mr Spofford is here. Oh.
WHISPERS: Dorothy.
Pardon me for whispering.
Now, please, try to make a good impression. OK.
Right this way, sir. Mr Henry Spofford.
Hello. MEN: Hello.
Hello. Hello.
Well, Mr Spofford, are you travelling by yourself?
No, I've got a valet, a tutor and a trainer.
Well...pardon my saying so and all,
but having heard so much about you, I expected you to be much older.
I'm old enough to appreciate a good-looking girl when I see one.
This promises to be quite a trip.
Personally, I don't intend to miss a meal.
How am I doing?
Hey, there's a place over there.
Oh, Ernie, would you get us some cigarettes?
Sure.
I can't get over that passenger list. Calling a young boy "Mr"!
A girl could waste a whole trip to Europe,
if she trusted that passenger list.
Then you think we'd better give up the whole idea, huh?
Well, if he was 16 or 17, you could marry him in Tennessee.
Seemed a good idea to bring some drinks.
Here are your cigarettes. Oh, you're a dear, good boy.
I've been wondering, what's your line, Mr Malone?
My line?
Well, my most effective one
is to tell a girl that she has hair like a tortured midnight,
lips like a red couch in an ivory palace,
that I'm lonely and starved for affection.
Then I generally burst into tears.
Very seldom works.
DOROTHY CHUCKLES
You idiot.
No, I mean, what do you do for a living?
Oh, that kind of a line.
Nothing, I'm afraid.
Just clip coupons and live off the fat of the land.
Coupons. That's like money, isn't it? Very similar.
I'm so pleased Dorothy's taken an interest in you.
I mean, she's never been interested in anyone worthwhile.
No taste, eh?
No, I'm a hobo collector. I might even find room for you.
She's joking, Mr Malone. I hope not, I'm kind of counting on it.
Some people don't catch on to Dorothy's jokes.
I'm going to try. That's good.
Dorothy's the best and loyalest friend a girl ever had.
She'll make some man a wonderful wife. You'll find out.
Well, I've got to be going. Going? Where?
Don't worry about me. I'm only concerned about you two.
There's a wonderful moon out tonight.
Well, well, well, there you are.
I say, Miss Lee, will you dance with me?
I should be jolly well pleased if you will.
Thank you ever so, I'd love to.
That is, if you hadn't asked me, I was going to ask you.
Really? Well, by Jove! I just say... I say, will you excuse us?
SHIP HORN HONKS
Oh Ernie, do you remember
last night? Very well.
No, I mean when we were talking about the moon. Oh.
You said it reminded you of a moon you'd seen in Coney Island.
Ah. Could have been the same one. Why?
Well, I remember that I was wondering
what a rich young man like you were doing in Coney Island.
Oh, well, um...
I rather thought you'd be in Bermuda or Palm Beach or...
BAND PLAYING
I wonder if I should go in and break that up.
They're just dancing out in public.
Can't make much of a case out of that.
You sound like a detective.
Oh, c'mon. Let's go find our moon and forget about your girlfriend.
Anyway I'd probably get in trouble if I pushed Piggy overboard.
Not with me.
Anyway, why blame Piggy? It's not all his fault.
No, I...
Just what did you mean by that remark?
Well, let's say I just can't figure out
how two girls can be so different and be such good friends.
Now listen, Malone, let's get this straight.
Nobody talks about Lorelei but me.
She's quite a girl. You just don't know her.
You don't mind if I like you better, do you?
We settled that quarrel in a hurry.
Now what do we talk about?
Let's talk about you.
Well, for the past hour, I've been thinking.
Thinking about doing something.
Well, what have you been thinking, Mr Malone?
HORN BLASTS
PIGGY SPEAKS SWAHILI
Aren't you clever, Piggy!
You see, that means,
"Come to my basha and I'll give you my old coconut shells."
Now, you see, the natives believe
that coconut shells ward off the snakes. Clever, what?
Africa must be fascinating.
Gee, Piggy, a girl like I
almost never gets to meet really interesting men.
Sometimes my brain gets real starved. Poor little thing.
It's a terrible thing to be lonesome,
especially in the middle of a crowd.
Do you know what I mean?
You'll never be lonesome again. Now, you leave it to Piggy.
DOOR OPENS
Excuse me, Piggy, I've got to see Lorelei alone.
Certainly, certainly. Shall I wait in the next room?
If you like. We're expecting Lady Beekman for tea.
Lady Beekman? Mm-hm. Here? Yes.
Oh, I just remembered, I have another appointment.
I'd better pop off.
Well, toodle-loo, chin-chin and all that rot, you know?
That was very mean of you! I would never interr...
Now, you shut up and sit down and listen to me
because you're in a jam, honey. Me? Why?
What were you and Piggy doing in here
before he started barking like a seal?
He wasn't barking, that's Swahili.
No, no, before that. Now, think hard.
Was there anything that would look incriminating in a photograph?
Something you wouldn't want Mr Esmond to see?
Why, no... Oh.
My goodness, yes! What?
Piggy was telling me about South Africa.
It's very dangerous there.
Practically full of snakes called pythons.
And it seems a python can grab a goat
and kill it by just squeezing it to death.
Well, get to the point. That's all.
What's incriminating about that?
Well...Piggy was being the python, and I was a goat.
Oh, Lorelei!
Don't worry!
Piggy won't tell anyone he was being the python!
He won't have to.
Because just about the time Piggy was squeezing the goat,
Mr Ernie Malone was taking pictures right through that porthole.
Whatever for?
The National Geographic magazine.
Oh, wake up, honey.
Mr Malone has foxed us.
He's been shining up to me so he could keep tabs on you.
I'll bet you anything he's a private detective hired by Mr Esmond.
SHE GASPS
Oh, Gus is jealous without pictures.
If he sees that one, he'll be absolutely unreasonable.
Yes, he will.
Oh.
I was going to crack Malone's head in, but I thought better of it.
What do you mean, better?
We'll have a better chance of getting those pictures back
if he doesn't know we're on to him. I'll get them.
How? He's a man, isn't he?
No, charm won't work. He's too smart for that.
And he was such a doll last night. Oh, Dorothy!
Boy, will I tell that stinker off when we get those pictures back!
The question is how do we do that? Well...
..the simplest way is to swipe 'em.
C'mon, we'll get our war paint on and go to work.
By the way, where's Lorelei tonight?
You sound interested.
I am, but not in her.
Well, if you are interested, I think I know where we could find her.
I was just asking a question.
SHE SIGHS
That's all...
Hello.
Oh, Mr Spofford, will you please give me a hand?
I'm sort of stuck.
Are you a burglar? Heavens, no!
The steward locked me in. I was waiting for a friend.
Why didn't you ring for him?
I didn't think of it. Isn't that silly?
If you're a burglar and I help you escape...
Please, help me before somebody comes along.
I'm thinking...
All right. I'll help you.
I'll help you for two reasons.
Never mind the reasons. Just help me.
The first reason is I'm too young to be sent to jail.
The second reason is
you've got a lot of animal magnetism.
DOOR OPENS
Hey, look, someone's coming.
Oh, dear, what'll I do?
Quick, hold this around your neck, tight.
Good evening.
I say, whatever are you doing up there?
I just want to see the view from here. It's better.
Quite so.
Are you feeling well, my dear?
Yes, thank you ever so, except for being so cold.
I must have caught a chill.
What say we go and get a spot of sherry?
Oh, no, I can't.
Well, sherry's the best thing if a cold is coming on.
Honest, I couldn't.
Well, you do look a bit flushed, my dear. Let me feel your pulse.
No, no, please, don't...
No cause for alarm, my dear. It's purely medical.
Well, there's no fever, at any rate.
I'm all right, I'm fine.
Such a little flowery hand. Please, put that back.
So sweet, so tiny,
and yet it can hold a human heart.
Stop that! I beg your pardon?
Well, I... Why...
DEEPENS VOICE: Laryngitis, I guess. There's no doubt about it.
Piggy, I'd better have some of that sherry.
Will you get me some?
I fly on the wings of Mercury.
Just hurry up. All right, my dear.
How can you stand that doddering old wolf?
Can't you see his intentions are not honourable.
For heaven's sakes, get me out of here!
Help me over here.
Wait a minute, what do you mean you're all bruised?
Malone's been here with me the whole time.
Mr Spofford pulled me too hard.
Mr Spofford?
Look, honey, never mind the games. Did you get the pictures?
No, they weren't there. Are you sure?
Absolutely, I looked everywhere.
And they're not in the camera shop either cos I went in and asked.
Then he's got them in his pockets.
He must have, darn it!
Of course, he wouldn't bother to hide them as long as he thinks
we're buying his act. Well, there's only one thing to do.
Listen, order dinner for three in our cabin and get some drinks.
I'll have him there in about ten minutes.
If we can't empty his pockets between us,
we're not worthy of the name "women"!
I'll have everything ready.
He'll be here in a minute.
I sent him for some cigarettes. You have the drinks ready?
Almost ready.
Well, this room's like an oven.
I know. Let's turn some of this heat off.
Leave it alone, dear.
But, honey, it's hot, why don't...
Oh, for him.
You know, sometimes your brain amazes me.
Thank you. Remember, our drink is just water and bitters,
so don't make any remarks. Mm-hm.
What are you doing with that one?
This is his. Do you think three sleeping pills are enough?
Three's quite a lot. That's pretty potent stuff.
If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing well.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Oh, here we go.
Come in. Here are your cigarettes. Thanks.
Hi, Miss Lee. Good evening, Mr Malone.
I got cocktails all ready. Good.
Make yourself at home.
Phew! Say, you girls know it's hot in here?
Must be 110.
Yes, it is a little warm, but Lorelei's afraid of catching cold.
Got a touch of laryngitis.
Here your are Mr Malone, specialty of the house.
Thank you! That's quite a cocktail.
It's very mild. Let's drink a toast. Do you know this one?
There was an old fellow named Sidney Who drank till he ruined a kidney
It shrivelled and shrank But he drank and he drank
He had his fun doing it, didn't he?
It's appetising. I know another one - bottoms up.
HE GASPS, SPLUTTERS
He looks like he's going to explode.
What are you girls made of? What was that?
Just equal parts of Scotch, vodka, brandy and gin. Oh!
Here, try this.
HE SPLUTTERS
That wasn't water!
No, it was straight vodka. Do you want some more?
No.
What's the matter? Don't you feel well?
I'm burning up.
I know what - let's take off your coat.
Oh, yes, you'll feel a lot better. You'll cool off. Here, I'll help.
Now, you just sit down there. Excuse me a minute.
Any luck? Not so far.
Be sure you check the inside pocket.
It's not in here. It's not in his coat.
Darn it.
There's one other place it could be. Where?
His pants. Well, we'll have to get those too.
Would you rather I did it alone?
No, I think two heads are better than one. I suppose so.
It's ticklish business any way you look at it.
C'mon, we'll stick together.
Say, you know, I nearly went to sleep sitting here.
You suppose you could turn that heat down?
You know what I think he needs, a good glass of water.
Don't you, honey? Yes, indeed.
Yeah, I'd like some water, but it's this heat, I can't...
Nice glass of water, yes. Just can't...
Oh, look out, honey! Oh! Oh, I'm sorry! My goodness!
Your pants are soaked!
We can't leave him here in wet pants, can we? Certainly not!
Give them to me. I'll put them under the hairdryer. No, no, no, look, I'm all right,
I'll just go and change. Oh, don't be silly. We wouldn't think of... No, no, no!
Oh, no, no! Look, this is not... I'm not going to catch cold!
There's no... What kind of a dinner party is this?!
Pardonnez moi!
Francois, you're just in time. Get something to put on him.
Mr Malone doesn't feel very well.
You know I think you'd better go to you room and lie down.
I feel like lying down for a month.
Qu'est-ce qu'il y a, monsieur? Here, put this on.
MALONE YAWNS
Francois'll help you.
It's not fair, you know. Two against one!
Oui, monsieur... Take a man's pants!
Je suis d'accord, monsieur.
I don't think it's here. Oh, it must be.
Dorothy!
I've got it! I've got it!
Here. $2.20. Your negatives and positive prints.
And may I say, in the immortal words of my countrymen, "Ooh, la, la!"
Thank you ever so. Ah, plaisir, Mademoiselle Lorelei.
Hi there, remember me?
Why, yes. You're one of the Olympic athletes, aren't you?
One of them? Sister, I'm the only four-letter man on the team.
I should think you'd be ashamed to admit it.
What? No, no, don't say another word.
My word! By George! I must say,
this is the most contemptible bit of impudence I've ever encountered -
the idea of photographing innocent people through a porthole!
Why, it's absolute invasion of privacy.
Just imagine some newspaper getting a hold of it.
Lady Beekman would never believe you were just being a snake.
I think I'd better sit down a moment.
Are you sure, my dear, there's no more of these things about?
Positive, Piggy. Do you feel better?
You little angel. You don't even know that there is
a certain kind of girl that would take advantage of a thing like this.
She'd have to be a pretty terrible girl to be mean
to a sweet, intelligent, generous man like you, Piggy.
My dear, my dear.
You must let me do something for you to show my gratitude.
Oh, thank you ever so!
May I... May I kiss your hand?
I always say, a kiss on the hand might feel very good,
but a diamond tiara lasts forever. A diamond tiara?
Yes, Lady Beekman's. I'd just love to have it.
Good gracious. What's the matter?
Oh nothing, nothing. But wouldn't you rather have some furs?
Or a race horse? Or a motor-boat?
No, thank you.
Well, it would be very difficult for me to explain to Lady Beekman
that I'd given away her jewels.
But you're so clever, Piggy. You could, if you put your mind to it.
Do you really think so? Of course I do.
And besides, it's only fair I should have her tiara.
Because, after all, she has you.
My dear, my dear, my very dear! Let's get it right now.
Anything you say, my dear, anything you say.
Keep an eye on the door. Oui, monsieur.
All right, Pierre, take this thing back to my cabin.
I'm going to stay here.
Here's the microphone, and a dividend.
Merci, monsieur.
And leave the door open, Pierre. Oui, monsieur.
Lorelei, they're coming for our...
How did you get in here?
Came in through that door.
I've been waiting... Still snooping around, huh?
That's right. But it has nothing to do with you.
I'm being paid to watch that blonde bandit...
I'd sure hate to have your job.
Maybe you're right. Checking up on people is messy work sometimes,
but only when those people are doing things that...
Doing things like pretending to make love to a girl
while you spy on her friend?
That part of it is not true. And I waited here to tell you so.
I wouldn't believe anything you said if you had it tattooed on your forehead.
Now wait a minute, listen to me... Go away, Sherlock, you're a wrong guy.
I'm not wrong about you and you're going to listen to me
You're only making things worse.
All right, don't listen. But whether you listen or not, I'm going to tell you.
Come on in, honey, you can hear better in here.
Oh, am I intruding
or is he leaving? One hopes.
I'm leaving.
But, Miss Lee, before I go, I'm going to tell you this,
because once in a while,
even a mercenary nitwit like you has a decent impulse.
Don't let your friend here get mixed up in any of your schemes,
cos I'm going to rub your nose in them
and I don't want this character to get hurt on the way.
If you've nothing more to say, pray, scat!
That's about all.
Honey, except for telling you I had money, which I haven't,
everything else I said to you, I meant.
And it wasn't part of my job either.
Think about it.
Why did you just stand there and let him kiss you?
You want to hear something crazy?
I think I'm falling in love with that slob.
Oh, you just feel that way because he's poor.
I hope so.
Come on, let's change. We dock in an hour.
HORN BLASTS
Pierre, we want to buy some clothes. You know, hats, dresses...
Oui, les robes, les chapeaux.
You know some good places?
Ah, oui, autour du quai la.
All right, that's where we want to go first.
This has been fun, hasn't it? Yes.
It's the first time I've been shopping without a man along.
DOROTHY CHUCKLES
Well, Pierre, you certainly were a big help.
Merci, mademoiselle! I've never spent so much money so fast.
It was a pleasure. There. Is that enough?
Oh, thank you, thank you. Merci, mademoiselle.
We'll be seeing you. Au revoir, au revoir, bon chance!
Bonjour, mesdames.
Bonjour mesdames. How do you do? I am the manager. May I help you?
Certainly, may you show me a place to take my shoes off.
My feet are killing me.
Dorothy, please. A lady never admits her feet hurt.
Bonjour!
Bonjour, mademoiselle. Have you reservations?
Yes, we do. It's in the name of Mr Augustus Esmond.
This is Miss Shaw, I'm Miss Lee. Hi.
Oh, yes. We have been expecting you. This way, please.
Well! Miss Lee, Miss Shaw.
Well, I thought surely in all Paris we could lose you.
Madame, are these the persons you were talking about?
Yes, these are the persons.
Oh, Lady Piggy. I mean Beekman! What a pleasant surprise.
Hmm, I dare say.
You may proceed, Pritchard.
This person is Miss Lee. Miss Lee,
I represent the Suffolk and Greater London Insurance Company.
Well, did you ever so! I never buy insurance.
Sell it to Mr Malone. He needs it in the business he's in.
What is all this?
Young woman, if you return the tiara,
I'm willing to forget this squalid incident. What incident?
Allow me to clarify, Milady.
Lady Beekman's tiara, which is insured with my company,
has been reported as stolen. Stolen! What's that got to do with us?
We've been informed, it's in your possession. Is that true?
Absolutely not! Honey, why don't you let Lorelei talk for herself.
She'll do better than that, she'll sue you for slander!
Honey, tell them. Go on.
Well... We're waiting.
None of your business.
Well, I'm afraid it's very much our business.
Honey, just tell them you haven't got it. Tell...
Oh, Lorelei, you didn't!
I did not steal Lady Beekman's tiara.
Then perhaps you'll explain how it happens to be in your possession?
Suppose we say that's my affair.
Well, that's one explanation.
Lord Beekman knows it wasn't stolen. Ask him.
We've already done so, Miss Lee. And?
He denied knowing anything about it
and departed for the interior of Africa.
Hmm! Piggy wouldn't do that!
Miss Lee, are you or are you not going to give back the tiara?
I wouldn't dream of doing same. It's mine and I'm going to keep it.
That remains to be seen. Come, Pritchard.
You'll find that I mean business.
Really? Then why are you wearing that hat?
Oh!
Honey, I want to talk to you. I've made up my mind.
Look, Lorelei, the simplest way to get out of this whole thing
is just to give it back.
I do not care to converse with you, Mr Malone.
We will not be in to this man as long as we're staying this hotel.
I regret, madame, you will not stay here at all.
Uh-oh, what now? But Mr Esmond...
The jig's up, Lorelei.
Esmond's cancelled your reservation and your letter of credit.
I don't believe it. After hearing from you. That's right.
I don't believe it. Mr Esmond wouldn't do that.
Did he?
Exactly. Mr Esmond refuses responsibility for your bills.
Well, that's very inconvenient, because we've just spent all of our money.
I'm sorry, madame. That's not our concern.
C'mon, honey, let's get out of here.
Anyway, I hear your plumbing is noisy.
Dorothy, if you need any help, I'm at the Elysee Hotel.
You hold your breath till I call.
SHE SLAMS DOOR
Mademoiselle?
Cafe.
# When love goes wrong
# Nothing goes right
# This one thing I know
# When love goes wrong
# A man takes flight
# And women get uppity-oh
# The sun don't beam
# The moon don't shine
# The tide don't ebb and flow
# A clock won't strike
# A match won't light
# When love goes wrong
# Nothing goes right
# The blues all gather round you... #
Crazy, mademoiselle!
# And day is dark as night
# A man ain't fit
# To live with... #
Dites moi, mademoiselle!
# And a woman's a sorry sight... #
C'est la guerre!
# When love goes wrong
# Nothing goes right
# When love goes wrong
# Nothing goes right... #
Do it, honey! Do it!
# When love goes wrong Oh!
# Nothing goes, nothing goes right
# When love goes wrong
# Nothin' goes right
# Bees don't buzz, fish don't bite
# A clock won't strike, a match won't light
# When love goes wrong
# Nothing goes right
# C'est vrai, c'est vrai, touche, touche!
# A woman's a fright, a terrible sight
# Man goes out, gets high as a kite
# Love is something you just can't fight... #
You can't fight it, honey, you can't fight it!
# When love goes wrong, nothing... #
No bows, honey,
just eight bars and off.
CAR HORN HONKS
# Nothing goes right!
# Crazy, crazy! #
Pierre, you're just in time.
# It's like we said
# You're better off dead
# When love has lost its glow
# So take this down
# In black and white
# When love goes wrong
# Nothing goes right
# When love goes wrong
# Nothing goes right
# Nothing goes right. #
Oh, dear.
Right over there, monsieur. Oh, thank you.
Merci beaucoup.
Lorelei?
Oh, hello there. Hello. You remember Mr Esmond, don't you dear?
Well, perfectly. Why not say hello, then?
After all, he used to be a friend of ours.
Nice to see you again.
Nice to see you. Yes, indeed.
Lorelei...
Lorelei, wait! Look!
Lorelei, I've flown the entire Atlantic Ocean
just to talk to you, and now you...
Well, you might come in for a minute. That's if you don't mind?
Oh, I don't mind if you don't mind.
Mr Esmond? Thank you.
Lorelei, aren't you even going to say you're sorry?
I won't let myself.
I won't let myself fall in love with a man
who won't trust me, no matter what I might do.
"No matter what you..."? Lorelei, that's being unreasonable.
Well, goodbye, then.
How can I trust you after all
Father's found out about you? KNOCK ON DOOR
We're ready to dress you, mademoiselle. Be right there.
Lorelei, I...
It's men like you who have made me the way I am.
And if you loved me at all,
you'd feel sorry for the terrible troubles I've been through
instead of holding them against me.
No, don't say another word.
I wasn't going to say anything.
Poor Gus, you have a pretty tough time.
You know, if you really want to get upset, go out and see the number she's going to do next.
You mean... Oh.
Uh... Oh, dear. Thank you.
SHE SNICKERS
LIVELY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS
MUSIC CRESCENDOS
SHORT APPLAUSE
MUSIC BEGINS SLOWER
No!
WILD STRINGS AND BRASS PLAY
# No
# No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
# No
# No, no, no, no, no, no, no
# No, no
# No, no, no, no, no, no, no
# No!
MILITARY-STYLE BEAT
# The French are glad to die for love
# They delight in fighting duels
# But I prefer a man who lives
# And gives expensive jewels
# A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
# But diamonds are a girl's best friend
# A kiss may be grand
# But it won't pay the rental on your humble flat
# Or help you at the automat
# Men grow cold as girls grow old
# And we all lose our charms in the end
# But square-cut or pear-shaped
# These rocks don't lose their shape
# Diamonds are a girl's best friend
# Tiffany's!
# Cartier!
# Black Starr Frost Gorham
# Talk to me, Harry Winston, tell me all about it!
# There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer
# But diamonds are a girl's best friend
# There may come a time
# When a hard-boiled employer thinks you're awful nice
# But get that ice or else no dice
# He's your guy when stocks are high
# But beware when they start to descend
# It's then that those louses go back to their spouses
# Diamonds are a girl's best friend
# I've heard of affairs that are strictly platonic
# But diamonds are a girl's best friend
# And I think affairs that you must keep liaisonic
# Are better bets if little pets get big baguettes
# Time rolls on and youth is gone
# And you can't straighten up when you bend
# But stiff back or stiff knees, you stand straight at
# Tiffany's
# Ooh, ooh
# Diamonds
# I don't mean rhinestones
# But diamonds
# Are a girl's best
# Best friend. #
Hi, honey. How'd Gus like your number?
He didn't applaud. He looked kind of grim.
Hand me my hat there, will you, please?
He is sweet, isn't he? I really do love Gus.
You do, really?
There's not another millionaire in the world
with such a gentle disposition.
He never wins an argument, always does anything I ask
and he's got the money to do it with.
How can I help loving a man like that?
Oh, I guess so. Oh, let's don't talk about love.
It reminds me of my friend Malone, the human ferret.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Mademoiselle Lee?
Quelle catastrophe! Les gendarmes!
The police, they're here! They asked for you!
They have a warrant for your arrest. They are coming now.
It will get in all the newspapers! It will hurt my business!
Quelle scandal!
Now will you get rid of that jinxed tiara?
But Piggy gave it to me.
If I give it back, it's like admitting I stole it.
Oh, keep still. Honey, you're in a strange country.
You can't prove that you didn't steal it.
Do you want to take a chance at a couple of years in the Bastille?
I guess I've got to give it back. Where is it?
In there. Well, come on, let's get it.
Oh, Dorothy, it's just not fair. No, of course not.
Dorothy, it's gone!
What? Are you sure this is where you left it?
Yes. It's been stolen!
It's been stolen!
KNOCK ON DOOR
The cops!
Oh, sister, we really are in a jam.
Come on.
Maybe you can get out of here if I give you a boost.
Lorelei? It's me, Gus.
Gus. I've come to say goodbye. He's your best chance.
Why, but he can't boost me any higher than you can. Lorelei?
Just a minute Gus.
Listen, either you hock some of that stuff
or get the price of a diamond tiara out of him.
How much do you think a diamond tiara'll cost?
15,000 at least.
Oh, dear, that'll take an hour and 45 minutes.
All right, you get the money
and I'll take care of the gendarmes. How?
Never mind how. You're not the only one around here with hidden talents.
Lorelei? Coming!
You can come in now, Daddy darling.
Lorelei, I've made up my mind. We're through. Through forever.
Oh. But first I want to kiss you goodbye.
Very well.
No, no. Not in front of everybody.
Come on in, Daddy darling.
PA: Pan American vols sont ici.
Venant de New York maintenant a la porte douze.
This is your flight coming now, monsieur.
Oh, thanks very much. You're welcome.
Now ici, monsieur. Pardonnne, monsieur. Until you finish customs, you cannot...
I know, I just wish to speak with this gentleman. Bien, monsieur.
Well, Malone? How are you, Mr Esmond. Have a nice trip?
My son, where is he?
A few minutes ago, he was in the cafe where the girls are working.
I explicitly told you in my cable to stay with him until I arrived.
Well, he... Don't you know he can't be left alone
in the same city with that blonde man-trap.
Well, he's perfectly safe for a while. Right now,
the blonde man-trap is in the quatrieme arrondissment night court
getting ready to explain a few things to the police.
Well, that's much better. We'll go over there as soon as you get
through this customs thing. I'll be right with you.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Well, Sir Francis Beekman. I heard you'd gone to Africa.
What? What'd you say? Beekman? No, sir, my name is not Beekman,
My name is Amos Finch.
All right, if that's how you want it.
Oh, I say, don't be in such a confounded rush.
Aren't you the chap on the boat? I am. I thought so.
Oh...I was just having a bit of a joke. Of course I'm Beekman.
You're sure? Well, rather.
My plane leaves in an hour. Do you know where to find Miss Lee?
I think so. Would mind giving her a message for me,
but not until after I've gone. Glad to.
Tell her... Tell her that I had no choice in the matter.
That what I did, I had to do, and all that sort of rot, you know?
She'll understand if she knew my wife.
And tell her... Tell her I know that money means nothing to her,
but I'll make it up to her someday, somehow.
I'll tell her.
Oh, thanks awfully, old boy. Well, toodle-loo.
It'll be a great favour, by George, a great favour.
All right, Malone, take me to see this young lady.
Yes, sir.
LAWYER SPEAKS FRENCH
Faite entrer l'accusee.
Faite entrer Mademoiselle Lee.
Mademoiselle Lorelei Lee.
GAVEL THUDS
Mademoiselle Lee.
Jurez-vous de dire la verite, toute la verite, rien que la verite?
You will please swear, Miss Lee.
BREATHILY: Oh, Judge, I never swear!
You've been asked to swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth, nothing but the truth.
Will you do that?
Why, yeah. Thank you ever so.
Sit down, mademoiselle.
Mademoiselle Lee, I've been requested to hold you for trial
for a charge of grand larceny.
The complainer attest that you have stolen...
..how do you say it, a headpiece of diamond, a tiara?
My goodness, Judge, a girl needs a little time to think.
You're so much more intelligent than poor little me.
Won't you tell me what I ought to say?
Please, to answer the charge, Miss Lee.
Yes, Judge, I was going to.
I was just thinking. It was all a terrible misunderstanding.
You see, Judge, sometimes life is very hard for a girl like I.
Especially if she happens to be pretty like I and have blonde hair.
We can do without the philosophy. We are interest in the facts only.
LAWYER SPEAKS FRENCH
Monsieur Pritchard is a little confused and would like to bring up a question.
I can hardly blame him. What is the question?
Monsieur Pritchard doesn't see very well
and would like to look at Mademoiselle Lee more closely.
Yes, permission granted.
Now, Miss Lee, I should like... Why, Mr Pritchard, how nice to see you!
Yes, Miss Lee. You are Miss Lee, aren't you?
That's just who I am, all right. But my friends call me Lorelei.
I do hope you're my friend,
because I just love to have handsome gentlemen be my friends.
Well, my eyes are not what they might be.
Have you ever heard me sing?
No. Are you sure?
Oh, I've not had the pleasure.
Oh, thank you ever so!
# A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
# But diamonds are a girl's best friend
# A kiss may be grand
# But it won't pay the rental on your humble flat
# Or help you at the automat
# Men grow cold as girls grow old
# And we all lose our charms in the end... #
Cease that! Stop it!
# Square-cut or pear-shaped
# These rocks don't lose their shape
# Diamonds are a girl's best friend... #
This is not a cabaret, mademoiselle!
Stop that woman!
# Tiffany's!
# Cartier!
# Black Starr Frost Gorham
# Talk to me, Harry Winston, talk to me! #
Did you hear me? Stop her!
Take her to the witness stand! Ah-hoo!
The rest of you take your places.
You are fired!
How could my son get mixed up with that type of girl?
Asseyz vous!
Now, young lady, we're here to dispense justice,
not to watch a cabaret show. You understand me?
Yes, Judge. All right.
Did you or did you not steal the diamond tiara?
Oh, no, sir. I did not steal it.
The fact is Lady Beekman's husband gave it to me.
Your Honour, I'd like to give some information!
The defendant here is not... Silence, silence!
Sh!
You have evidence that affects this case?
Yes, sir, I have. Well, by all means.
Your Honour, before he talks, could I explain something?
Go ahead, Miss Lee.
Well, I have a friend named Dorothy, and she's a really good friend.
And Dorothy knows that I would never do anything that was really wrong.
Miss Lee, do you have to say this?
Oh, yes, sir, I do.
There's a certain young man that Dorothy likes.
In fact, she's very fond of him.
And Dorothy would never speak to this man again
if he ever did anything to hurt me, Lorelei.
So I think this young man had just better know that...
Well...
Well, Dorothy thinks she's in love with him.
Mr Esmond, I resign. What?
I just quit the case, you don't owe me a dime.
What's got into you? Are you out of your mind?
Mm-hm, but I like it that way.
Judge, I've changed my mind. What?
I haven't anything to say.
Oh, this becomes more and more confusing.
But the solution is simple.
My decision is this -
the property in question will be placed in custody of this court
until its rightful owner can be established by an affidavit
from Lord Beekman himself.
Now, Miss Lee, you will give me the tiara.
But, Judge, I can't.
If you refuse, I must put you in prison.
Well, I don't refuse, I just haven't got it. It was stolen.
Your Honour,
I think I know where that thing is and think I know who's got it.
Who are you, by the way? I'm a private detective, Your Honour.
If you'll give me a couple of policemen and wait
about half an hour, I can bring that tiara back and settle this thing.
Anything would be better than this. Go with him.
Accompagnez-le. Oui!
L'audience est suspendue.
There he is.
Pardon, monsieur. Vous allez nous suivre.
What's that? Vous allez nous suivre.
What's he saying? Question d'arret, monsieur. Allez!
Speak English! I don't speak...
This is outrageous! Mais avec nous.
I'm a British subject! You'll hear about this!
This is positively outrageous!
Your Honour, I demand a lawyer.
THEY SPEAK FRENCH
What? What did you say?
Good evening, Your Lordship. Pritchard!
The policemen want you to remove your hat.
Well, why doesn't he say so?
What are you doing, send for the British consulate.
Meantime, I'll take this. Hey, give that back. In just a second.
Your Honour, this is Sir Francis Beekman.
And this, I believe, is the missing tiara.
That's private property!
I'm sure Miss Lee will be glad to return it.
I certainly would.
But before that happens, I believe His Honour asked Miss Lee to give him the tiara.
I did! I say, that isn't...
I wouldn't go into that, if I were you, Mr Finch.
Finch?
Miss Lee. Thank you.
Your Honour. Thank you.
Maitre Courtier. Thank you.
Monsieur Pritchard.
Thank you. Your Lordship.
Thank you.
Case dismissed!
But five minutes ago, you said you would marry me.
But that's before Dorothy phoned me.
But what on Earth could she say to make you change your mind?
She just said everything's OK now.
I don't quite understand...
Oh, dear. Well.
Hello, Father. Hello, son.
I know what you're here for Father, and I don't care.
I've made up my mind. I'm going to make her marry me.
Well, bless your heart, that's wonderful.
I presume this is the young lady? Well, yes.
Such a pretty little girl! American?
Yes, except on my father's and mother's side. They're Irish.
Believe me, son, I'm delighted about this.
I've wanted to see you married for a long time.
Anybody but that monster Lorelei Lee.
What? But, Mr Esmond, I am Lorelei Lee!
Ha-ha. Pretty early in the game to start teasing your father-in-law.
What's the matter with you, Father? Nothing.
HE CHUCKLES
I can take a joke.
What joke? This is Lorelei.
Father, this is not the sort of thing one would joke about.
I don't have my driver's license with me,
but you can take my word for it. Honest!
Look, that's I.
See my name?
Well...
I'm too old for this sort of thing.
Father, I don't understand. You don't understand?
How do you think I feel
with thousands of Lorelei Lees coming at me from everywhere?
But believe me, son, you're not going to marry any one of them!
Father, I love her. I love her very much.
I've never had a feeling like...
Oh, shut up.
Young lady, you don't fool me one bit.
I'm not trying to. But I bet I could, though.
No, you might convince this jackass that you love him,
but you'll never convince me.
That's too bad. Because I do love him.
Certainly. For his money.
No! Honestly.
Have you got the nerve to stand there and expect me to believe
that you don't want to marry my son for his money?
It's true.
Then what do you want to marry him for?
I want to marry him for your money.
There!
Oh, Lorelei!
Don't you see that's why we have to have his consent, silly?
Well, at least we're getting down to brass tacks.
You admit that all you're after is money.
No, I don't. Aren't you funny?
Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty?
You might not marry a girl just because she's pretty
but, my goodness, doesn't it help?
And if you had a daughter,
wouldn't you rather she didn't marry a poor man?
But I was... You'd want her to have the most
wonderful things in the world and to be very happy.
Well, why is it wrong for me to want those things?
Well, I concede that...
Say, they told me you were stupid. You don't sound stupid to me.
I can be smart when it's important, but most men don't like it.
Except Gus.
He's always been interested in my brains.
No. No, that much of a fool he's not.
Father, you've changed your mind?
I don't know, son. I just don't know what to tell you.
Daddy? Huh?
No, Daddy, not you. I guess I mean "Sonny."
I'd like to spend about three minutes alone with your father.
Three minutes alone? Run along, darling.
Yes, dear.
Now, Mr Esmond, about what we were speaking.
Well, there's a great deal to consider. I just can't...
HORN BLASTS
WEDDING MARCH PLAYS
Please, take your places.
Remember, honey, on your wedding day, it's all right to say yes.
# We're just two little girls from Little Rock
# And we lived on the wrong side of the tracks
# But at last we won the big crusade
# Looks like we finally made the grade. #
# But square-cut or pear-shaped
# These rocks don't lose their shape
# Diamonds, diamonds
# Diamonds are a girl's Diamonds are a girl's
# Best friend. #