This film contains very strong language
Let's fucking get it on
right now. Let's go.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Come on. Come on.
Come on! Come on!
CHEERING INTENSIFIES
Here. Here!
Now, I want to go over a few rules with y'all tonight.
It ain't that hard. Don't worry about it. Rule number one.
This is the "What can you touch and not touch" rules.
WHOOPING
Can you touch this?
WHOOPING INTENSIFIES
Can you touch this?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Second touch.
Can you touch this?
SCREAMING
Can you touch this?
No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
And finally....
Last one, ladies.
Can you touch this?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Can you ever touch this?
Well, that's who the law says that you cannot touch.
CROWD GROANS
But I think I see
a lot of lawbreakers up in this house tonight.
LAUGHTER WHOOPING
And I don't see a cop in sight.
WHOOPING
All right?
GRUNTS QUIETLY
SNIFFS
You know, I gotta go commando today because someone
ripped off my favourite pair of panties last night.
HE CHUCKLES
Hey. It's not funny. Oh, sorry.
They were my grandma's. They were not your grandma's.
They could have been.
Can you throw me, uh, that shirt right there?
Hey, what are we gonna do about her?
WHISPERING: Erm...
What was her name again?
What? I don't...
I'm sorry. What's her name?
Uh...
You don't even know.
I do. You're the one that found her. You have to remember her.
I know her name. What is it, then? It's...
Penelope!
HE LAUGHS QUIETLY
Whatever her name was, she was fun.
That's a cool table. Where'd you get it?
That's just some old shit that blew up on a beach
after the last hurricane.
You made that? Hmm.
You should sell these things.
Tsk, thank you. That's actually the idea.
Mike's Custom Furniture Concepts.
But the market hasn't really hit the sweet spot yet.
Hmm, I dunno, I'm waiting for the bank to make the competitive loans
that I'm looking for and then I'll swoop in.
Cool.
All right, I'm going to get outta here. You guys are good?
What? You're just gonna leave us?
Yeah. What, are you gonna steal a bunch of my shit or something?
Probably. That's what strangers do.
Don't do that...maybe? OK.
OK. OK.
So I'm going to see you again?
Uh, yeah, probably. I don't know. I'll, uh, call you.
Bye.
SYNTH CHORDS PLAY RHYTHMICALLY
# Gotta get my mind cleared
them# Got nothing to lose
# Gotta get my pain straight
# Chase away them blues
# Still got my thinking
# But it's getting loud
# And all these voices
# Keep spinning round
# Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
# Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh
# Hey, hey-hey. Ooh-ooh-ooh
# Ooh-ooh-ooh. Hey-hey-hey
# Forgotten journey
# Mystic signs
# I'll burn my possessions
# Flip over time
# Ooh-ooh-ooh
# Ooh-ooh-ooh. Gear
# Mm-hm. I'm trying not to break down
# You're holding on too tight now. #
MIKE: Where's George and the rest of the guys?
MAN: They fucked me and took another gig last-minute.
So I got these guys. Where d'you get them?
Uh, you know, ah, industry referrals.
My dick. You got them off Craigslist? Heh.
Hey, Mike, I can't have fucking union guys around here
barking about benefits and shit. Give me a fucking break.
So, what am I supposed to do in there?
Er... Hey. You Sol?
Sal. Sal. Adam.
Adam, how you doing? Oh, Adam, this is Mike.
You guys are gonna be working together. What?
Yeah. Can you just give me a minute?
I want to straighten something out there. You can hop up there.
You gotta be fucking kidding me. What?
He's wearing fucking tennis shoes. He doesn't know...
Ah. Mike, do me a favour, just go up there
and do it for 14 bucks an hour... I'll do it for 20 bucks an hour.
SAL SIGHS
I'll give you 18.
Don't fuck with me. You're like my son.
The son which you're gonna pay $20 an hour.
THUDDING SAWING
What's up?
You ever, uh, tiled a roof before?
No.
Fuck.
How'd you get this job, anyways?
Craigslist.
And you put on your post that you'd tiled houses before?
Yeah.
Right.
SAL: So, what do you got in your bag?
Why don't you open it up?
There's nothing in the bag. Why don't you open the fucking bag
before I open your fucking head up? How's that?
I got a nice ham and cheese sandwich....
You know how to read? Huh?
One Pepsi a day. Read the cooler.
I'm gonna do my inventory.
If I come up short, I'm coming right to you.
BEEPING ENGINE STUTTERS
Is it dead?
What's that?
I can try to jump you off if you want, but it's not the battery.
I think you're probably fucked.
Just tell them, no. Tell them if they want to get into this,
to be up there. I'll see you at the Amp. All right. Later.
What are you doing? Stop. What the fuck are you doing, man?
Sorry.
It's new. It's gonna stay new, if you don't rip off the damn plastic.
Why do you have it?
Because it protects it.
I'm going to rip it off when I'm ready to sell it. It'll be like brand-new.
Where are you from?
Citrus Springs.
Did you play ball?
Uh, yeah. Strong safety.
You don't look like a strong safety.
I gave that, uh, college thing, the college try.
Didn't quite work out.
Couldn't resist the lure of the roofing business?
Yeah, that and the lure of my sister's couch.
Can you do me a favour and drop me off at my car tonight?
No, I'm sorry. I'm going to dinner.
I can take you tomorrow morning, though.
What time do you have to be at work?
I need to talk to you about that.
What? The foreman, uh...
He accused me of stealing. So I fucking quit. What?
Yeah, but, you know, I have....
Well, I had that interview at T-Mobile.
So, uh, yeah.
They asked me to wear a fucking tie, but...
..you know how I feel about wearing a fucking tie.
Why don't you just wear a tie?
Sorry. You know what my rules are.
Oh, God, brother.
SHE INHALES SHARPLY
What? I also...
HE SNIFFS
..could do, uh, some nice...
HE MUMBLES
What? What?
What did you say? What did you hear?
You're doing that thing. You're doing that game.
What game? No. You do this to me all the time.
It's not working any more.
Or... Talking about games, I could be a gamer. Oh, yeah.
I could sell it on, make money... You'll make so much money.
Or I could be the voice of the game. You can make even more money.
I have a very good voice. I do great impressions.
You do do good impressions. What was the one you did last night?
I'm not going to do it now. LAUGHING: Do it again. Do it again.
No. Come on.
AS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: Listen to me.
SHE LAUGHS
These are MY tortillas.
Get in the chopper. John Connor, come with me.
Argh! OK. All right.
Just in case that doesn't work out,
why don't you come to dinner with me and Paul tonight?
You can ask him if any of his friends in marketing have any job openings.
But sometimes people want to, you know...
They think they're owed a lot more than, uh, they deserve.
So too bad. Bummer.
Uh, but, uh, you know, whatever. Sucks.
I just don't have to be the guy that tells them, uh, you know, that they're, uh...
..not going to be able to rebuild their houses.
Um, anyway....
Uh, let's talk about something else, you know.
You're right. I'm sick of talking about Medicaid
and processing insurance forms as well. I get it.
Right. I get it.
Right. I mean, it's slightly different
when you're doing Medicaid claims
and when you're doing huge property damage claims and stuff like that,
but I guess it's a similar kind of thing. Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait.
Hey. Remember what I said? Hmm, I'm so sorry.
It's cool. I just can't drive tonight.
I've been driving all weekend.
I'm sorry.
No worries. I just forgot.
Someone will finish it, I think.
There you go. There's a taker. I will.
Tsk. Mm. Good?
Where are you going?
INDISTINCT CHATTERING DISTANT WHOOPING
Uh, hey, do you know
who's spinning tonight?
SHE CHUCKLES
Uh....
No. Sorry. All right.
Hey, Mike!
Mike!
Sorry, bro.
Hey, Mike!
Hey, man.
Yo. Heh, what's going on? What's going on, bro?
Are you going in? Yeah, we're going.
Can I come with you?
Uh...
Pfft, dude, they're never gonna let you in like that.
Come on. I'd do anything.
Heh, it's not my fault. I'm just saying, they're not gonna do it.
I would do it, but... I don't think they're going to do it, bro.
All right.
All right?
MUTTERING: Fuck. LOUDER: OK, dude. Hey.
Um...
You're going to owe me.
I promise, man... I mean, owe me. No questions asked, owe me.
Anything. Take your hood off.
Try to look a little more...
Tuck your fucking shirt in.
You gotta not wear tennis shoes, bro.
George, dude, I got one. I'm sorry. I know, I know.
Thanks, bro. I owe you.
Sorry, man. These are the only shoes I got.
CLUB MUSIC POUNDS
Hey, baby! Mwah! Can we borrow one of these?
Thank you. Grab one.
Is it free?
Don't worry, man, you're gonna earn your keep.
So I got us a new recruit.
Ladies, meet the Kid. Portia, Ruby.
Hey. Hey.
Hey.
What are we thinking? Yes, no, maybe?
Oh, yeah. The cougars will eat him up. Yeah?
That's a quality endorsement, my friend.
What do you guys do?
THEY LAUGH
What?
Come here. Come here.
Any time a girl tells you her name starts with a flower
or a car or a stone, don't bother asking what she does.
You know what I'm saying?
All right, bro, I ain't got that much time, so I'm calling in my favour, all right?
OK.
You see the girl with the tiara thing and the sash?
Yeah. Go talk to her.
What do you want me to say?
I don't care. Have you never talked to a girl before?
Just go talk to her! Be creative.
She does not look like she wants to be bothered.
Look at what she's wearing. She came here tonight to be bothered.
Now go bother her. You want to be inside or outside?
I wanna be inside. I'll come save you in a minute. Get outta here.
I'm getting wasted tonight, if we could get a drink.
I know.
She's, like, ignoring the whole side of this bar.
Hey. MAN: Hey, Carla.
Um, oh...
Yo, man. Watch out, you're going to knock my girlfriend.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, what the fuck are you gonna do?
Uh, hi. Do I know you? Hi.
Uh, no. I'm, uh...
I didn't know that I had a boyfriend, but thank you for that.
Um, all the guys here are fucking obnoxious.
Thanks for that.
SHE LAUGHS
Who do we have to fuck to get a fucking drink?
Uh, me, please?
You'd like that, wouldn't you? Uh, yes, I would.
Yeah? We've been standing around here for quite a while, and I'm 21.
It's true. And I can't get drunk.
You're 21? Yes!
Happy 21st. I mean, I'd buy you guys a shot if I...
No, no, don't worry about it. It's fine...
Oh, Adam.
Hi. Hi.
I'm Liz. Hi. Hi, Liz.
What do you say, baby boy? You want one?
I can't find anybody to take these. Y'all want them? Yeah!
Perfect. We can't drink them all ourselves. Whoo!
Uh, here's to, um, our children.
May they have rich fucking parents.
THEY LAUGH
Absolutely.
THEY COUGH
Yes! OK. Whoo!
Where do you guys go, to USF? BOTH: Yeah.
Yeah? Mm-hm. So it's summer break, correct?
That's right. Whoo!
And if I'm not mistaken, that says "21," Right?
I am 21, yes. 21?
Then why the fuck isn't she throwing up? Whoo!
THEY LAUGH
We can't get drinks. What
d'you mean, you can't get drinks?
That's no excuse. That's a bad friend you got.
I'm not a bad friend!
It's your 21st birthday. You gotta do anything... You are a bad friend.
I'm trying. ..to get her drunk. You are a bad friend.
See? You heard it from her. I'm just saying.
What are you guys planning on doing tonight?
Wouldn't you like to know? Actually, I would, to be totally honest.
Look, if you guys like to get a wee bit crazy,
why don't you come down and see the show?
Are you serious? Wow.
As a fucking heart attack.
We have a lot of friends here. Can they come too?
How many? Eight or nine. That's perfect, actually.
Hand them these. Tell them they get in free at the door with one.
OK. Maybe we'll come.
No. That's not a commitment.
Maybe we'll come, if your little friend here comes too.
Me? Oh, "Little friend."
That's an easy if because he will be there.
Really? He's absolutely gonna be there. I will?
Then we'll be there too.
All right. The show starts in 45 minutes.
OK. You can make it in 45 minutes?
Yeah. You're going to come. You swear? Yeah, we promise.
Dude. You're a fucking stripper?
MIKE LAUGHS
I swear, I thought you were going to shit the bed, but you actually did it.
Ah, I feel like I owe you. I can throw you 100 bucks,
maybe tip you out at the end of the night...
..if you really want to host. Host what?
Yeah. No, for sure.
I hope you're ready for this shit.
MIKE CHUCKLES
WOMAN: Oh! Mike!
WHOOPING
Mikey Mikey! Who's your friend, Mike?
LAUGHTER WHOOPING
This is the owner. Whoo!
Fucking Valhalla shit, man. Mwah!
You see that shit, Mike?
Yeah. Chicks are gonna go fucking crazy over this, man.
I'm thinking of giving this routine to Tarzan, unless you want it.
No. It's not my style, but, uh, somebody should do it. It's cool.
Oh, it's fucking really good. Mm-hm.
Ah, who's this?
This is the Kid. Uh, he wrangled nine sorority girls for us tonight,
so I figured we could help him, throw him cash, he could help here tonight.
How old are you?
Uh, 19. 19.
The fuck am I supposed to do with that, Mikey?
Oh, come on. He don't look 19. I can't have him host.
Can't have a 19-year-old on the fucking street. What's he gonna do?
Then he can do props, can't he?
I can do anything. We're setting up our own shit as it is.
All right. Props.
You're on props tonight. Do whatever Mikey tells you,
any of the guys tell you. Clean the fucking toilets, whatever.
All right? Tonight. And listen up.
This is not a fucking joke.
All right? It's not a fucking hobby.
This is a serious business I'm running.
The last thing I need is a teenage liability fucking my future up.
Don't try... Capiche? Yeah.
One thing about Waffle House pussy is you got to worry about the teeth.
Waffle House pussy?
I hate Waffle House pussy.
THEY CHUCKLE
Everybody, this is the Kid. Y'all can thank me later.
He's going to help us out tonight.
This is Big Dick Richie, Ken, Tito and Tarzan.
Whoa! What's up?
Just tell him what props you need.
I'll help him set them up later.
And, um, yeah...have fun. Make yourself at home, Kid.
There you go, bro.
THEY GROAN
No, thanks, man. No?
No, I'm good. Suit yourself.
OK. You handed it to me like the Hindenburg.
How long you been on the force? What?
The police. How long you been a cop?
I'm not a cop, man.
RICHIE CHUCKLES Just fucking with you. Sit down.
Come on, man, sit down.
Ugh.
So how do you know Mike?
Um...
HE CLEARS THROAT
We, um... We worked together on construction.
This is the shit. I told you, man. Love it.
OTHER CHATTER
What kind of cash you make at that?
You all right, man?
What kind of cash you make?
Like ten bucks an hour.
Under the table?
Yeah. Hmm, that ain't bad.
..the biggest organ of your body's your skin. You've got the right idea,
but your changing my life - one step at a time.
So you're here to help us out?
Yes, I am.
All right, so we got your first little piece of business - bam!
That look ashy to you?
What's that, man? That look ashy?
Heads up.
Just give it a little... Just a little spray on that calf there.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Dude, I don't want to spray your leg.
Just do it.
We all had to do it, man.
It's part of, like, the initiation. Lord of the Flies. Come on.
Come on, Kid, help out. It's all right. We're gonna tip you out good at the end of the night.
You'll be a happy man. Yeah. Make sure you massage it in good.
You serious? Yeah.
THEY LAUGH
He fucking did it, too.
Oh, you're all right, man. You're all right.
Take this front row table right here, ladies.
You got your ID on you?
You got your ID? Hey.
You're not drinking a Shirley Temple tonight, are you?
No. We've already had a few drinks, so...
No Roy Rogers, no Shirley Temples. Y'all have a great time.
We do a group act first,
then we do our solos, then we do hot seats.
If everything goes really well, and we get these girls jacked up,
then we jack up the price of the hot seats, so don't fuck it up for us.
Dude, it's easy. All you got to do is hand us
our props before we go out on stage.
All right? That's it. That's all you got to do.
You bring out whatever props and everything. There he is.
This is Tobias. He's our resident DJ.
The Kid. Tobias, Tobias, the Kid. He's going to be the one
giving you the cue before each act.
Pre-game. That's what I'm talking about.
It's the love potion.
What is this? Strawberry? What is that?
It's a little mixture. In, um, Miami, we call it Hey Juice.
Hey Juice. Because if you drink
the whole bottle, "Hey." You'll like it, man.
Give it a sample.
You can't drink, so you want half a cap?
I don't know what the fuck it is.
It's just G. It's basically
like getting drunk without all the calories.
All right. You sure?
All right, all right, all right...
Whoo!
Yeah.
How are we feeling tonight, ladies?
Let me hear it one more time. Come on.
It's going to rain. Rain's going to come down
and cleanse our soul and wash away the ash.
So get out your purses and get ready to spend some motherfucking cash.
Welcome to the stage, the one, the only,
the Cockrocking Kings of Tampa.
# Temperature is rising
# Barometer is getting low
# According to all sources
# The street's the place to go
# Cos tonight for the first time
# Just about half-past ten
# For the first time in history
# It's gonna start raining men
# It's raining men, hallelujah
# It's raining men, amen
# I'm gonna go out to let myself get
# Absolutely soaking wet
# It's raining men, hallelujah
# It's raining men, every specimen
# Tall, blonde, dark and lean
# Rough and tough and strong and mean
# It's raining men
# It's raining men. #
# Now let me see the booty work booty work
# Booty, boo-boo-booty work
# Booty work, booty work Boo-boo-boo-booty work
# Go 'head Go 'head
# Now let me see the booty work booty work
# Booty, boo-boo-booty work
# Left cheek, right cheek left cheek, right cheek. #
# Bang Syanara
# It's like a disco in the sky
# We watch the fireworks spill in our eyes
# It's like a world without a war
# A pyromaniac begging for more
# Bang Syanara
# Bang Nice to know ya
# Bang Say goodbye
# Bang bang Boom
# I've got an army in my head
# My bullet brains and I'm better off dead
# I've got a cyclone in my soul
# My heart's bleeding into a big, black hole
# Bang Syanara
# Bang Nice to know ya
# Bang Say goodbye
# Bang, bang, boom. #
Tarzan!
Oh-oh.
Tarzan!
Where the fuck is he?
Tarzan. Motherfucker. What the fuck, man? Tarzan.
Fuck, man.
Motherfucker. How many fucking times, huh?
Ken, S&M routine. You up on that? Can you do that?
I'm not putting that out there.
Not putting what out there?
The negative energy. It's bad. It comes back.
You're kidding me.
Richie, the, um, fire breathing gig, huh? You up for that?
No. I got the fire-phobia issue.
Tito. Anything, man. South of the border fucking shit.
You've been doing at home. Nothing?
I'm working on something, but it's not ready yet. It's not ready.
All right.
We got to do something. Mikey, what you got?
I just came offstage. I can't. An idea. Give me something.
You go out, then. I'm not hitting the fucking floor. Come on.
You want me to come up with something? Fuck, yeah, man.
I hope you can dance. You still owe me. Come on.
Just start taking your clothes off. Walk out there.
What are you looking at Dallas for? Don't look at them. Look out.
Just start, bro.
Yeah, perfect, perfect. Go, go, go.
There you go.
# Like a virgin
# Touched for the very first time
# Like a virgin
# When your heart beats next to mine
# Like a virgin
# Touched for the very first time
# Like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin
# With your heartbeat Next to mine
# Whooo
# I was beat Incomplete
# I'd been had
# Sad and blue
# But you made me feel
# Yeah, you made me feel
# Shiny and new. #
All right, all right, all right.
Let's give it up for the Kid. Popped his cherry on stage tonight.
You know what time it is. It's time for the hot seat.
You know what that means, the orgy's over, ladies.
Time for some one-on-one time with the man of your dreams.
$5 a pop. Come here.
That's good. Welcome to the crazy club, Kid.
Come on. Everybody. Line up, line up, line up.
Yeah, man. Whose big dick is that?
I love it. Hey, where's the Kid? Kid. Kid!
Look at this saggy underwear! All-star right here.
Go buy yourself fresh drawers.
He put that kiss on her and pouring money out of their hands.
Never kiss the girls, Kid. That's Performer 101.
You got to watch out for herpes. That, too.
But tonight you took a chance and it paid off. I like that.
Fucking worked. I got you your money.
That ain't my money, big boy. That's your money.
Every man keeps every dollar he makes on that stage.
Plus the 50 that I owe you. All right?
Look, get ready to work, big boy.
It ain't going to be that easy every time.
Yes, sir. Fucking worked, whoo!
Nice fucking robot.
Mike lays it out.
Tito bringing in the south side with some brown skin.
Big Dick, they are still devastated by your cock.
It was like 25% dancing, 50% marketing.
What? Eh, Mike sold it up real nice.
How about you're forgetting 25% more genius?
Genius, Kid. How we do tonight, Mikey?
Er, it's a little under $2,500.
Um, that's 400 better than last week.
That'll work.
And my, um, cut of the door. Yes, sir.
That was dangerous shit you pulled tonight,
throwing that kid out on the plank like that.
It worked though, didn't it?
Shit. I didn't know if it would till he hit the floor.
He pulled it out. Yeah. What's his story?
I don't know. I mean, I met him at the site today.
Ran into him at Ybor. Those two little pretty ones over there
were all hot and bothered, so I figured I'd bring him along.
It was a good move.
He may have something, brother. He's young, good-looking.
He can't dance for shit.
Cannot dance for shit, that is teachable.
We could use some more youth on the team.
Why don't you bring him to practice tomorrow
and we'll see what he's got?
So, what the fuck is going on with Miami?
Miami, ah, is looking good.
I got a couple loopholes I got to get through
with the real-estate attorneys.
But after that it's going to be all green lights.
What you need from me? What's my side?
Just keep doing what you're doing.
I love where your head's at. You're focused.
You're like a big brother to this team.
Keep that up, you could be making a lot more than door money.
I guarantee you that.
Both ways this time, though, right?
Two-way street. I want to hear you say that word, equity.
E, Q... Say it!
U, I, T, Y.
# One, two, three, four
# Give what you got!
# Give what Gimme what you got
# Give what you got
# Give what... Gimme what you got
# C'mon, man, hurry up and pull the trigger
# It's what they came for
# Gimme what you got
# They say it slices and dices It's what they paid for, so...
# Gimme what you got
# Na. Na-na-na
# Gimme what you got
# Na. Na-na-na
# Na. Na-na-na-na-na
# Gimme what you got
# Give what you got Give what you got
# Give what you got Give what
# Gimme what you got
# Na. Na-na-na-na
# Na. Na-na-na Give me what you've got
# Na. Na-na-na-na Na. Na-na-na
# Give me what you've got
# Na. Na-na-na-na Na. Na-na-na-na
# Na. Na-na-na Give me what you've got. #
Hey, Mike. Huh?
I think, um.
I think we should be best friends.
OK.
Let's go.
So how pregnant did you get that girl's mouth?
Er, what?
Fucking great.
Good morning.
Hi, sis. Hi.
Brooke, this is Mike. Oh, thank you.
Mike. Absolute pleasure.
Hi. Are you a nurse?
I'm a medical assistant. I process nurses' paperwork.
Way cooler.
Sure. Sure.
Oh, nice, dude. Is this one of those retro Wakefield,
or is this a Russel Wright?
Oh, it's a knock-off. That's cool, though. Where did you get this?
Er, apparently the knock-off place.
Hey, right.
So how do you know my brother? Er, he's on my roofing crew.
But I'm an entrepreneur, though. I, um, manage a few businesses.
Sure.
Sure, cool. Cool.
So the Kid said something about breakfast.
Er, well, he must be fucking drunk
cos I don't cook no fucking breakfast.
I wasn't talking about you cooking it.
He just said you like breakfast food.
We were going to swing by IHOP on the way.
OK. Um, good talk.
I'll be outside with the rest of the breakfast lovers of the world.
All right, Kid.
Virgin dance the other night. No more.
You only have a cherry pop one time.
I love you. You walked out on stage,
feeling like shit, all right?
When I saw something is when you got offstage
and pulled a one-on-one with that chick.
I'll show you what you're going to do next.
Now, let's go to the basics.
Take your clothes off.
Right now? Right fucking now. Take them off.
Every fucking one of them. Let's go.
Let's go. Take them off.
Hang on. What the fuck are you doing?
hey, what are you, a 12-year-old in the locker room?
No.
Then what are you doing? Taking off my clothes.
You're taking off your clothes like a 12-year-old in the fucking locker room.
You're not a 12-year-old in the locker room, you are the man!
On the stage. Thousands of women.
Eyes on you. You are their vision. So, what do you do?
You don't just fucking throw your clothes off, do you?
You fucking make it count, baby.
You walk out. You own it.
You look around. You tease.
You seduce.
Clock eyes, but don't lock in on any of them.
You got to believe that you are inside every single one of them.
And when the time's right, then you'll know it.
Foom!
Stick it. That right there is like hitting the G-spot,
every single time.
Now get up there, move around.
You see, baby, you're not just stripping,
you are fulfilling every woman's wildest fantasies.
All right? You are the husband that they never had.
You are that dreamboat guy that never came along.
You are the one-night stand, that free fling of a fuck
they get to have, tonight, with you on-stage,
still go home to their hubby
and not get in trouble
because you, baby, you made it legal. You are the liberation.
Own it. Who's got the cock? You do, they don't.
Get right here. Move slow. Around.
Fucking concentrate.
Round, round, round. Make this shit count.
Ain't time for a fucking fag joke in here, boy,
I'm talking about money.
Move around, round, round. Get the movements. Breathe.
All right. Easy, rattlesnake.
On three, you're going to stick it.
One, two, three, stick.
That's the hook, baby. That's the fucking hook.
That's what I'm talking about. All right?
You can do this, because I know you can.
I can do it. Now, take a breath.
Fuck that mirror like you mean it.
All right, all right, all right.
We got the Kid coming up on the main stage. Hi, Beatrice.
All right? Are you ready? What?
Dallas gave me the go-ahead on getting you suited up. You ready?
Yeah.
Why do you look scared for?
You already lost your virginity, man.
All you got to do now is get good at it.
We got to get you an American flag, Star-Spangled Banner,
for 4th of July summertime.
Dude. This has no back.
Yeah. That's the point. It's a thong.
What the fuck is this?
Stay away from the elephant socks, bro. That's Dallas shit.
You don't want to look like him on your first night out, do you?
What's Dallas's deal, man? Is he, um, a good guy?
Yeah. Dallas is... Dallas is Dallas.
I mean, it's pretty cool that he let me in.
Yeah. It's cool that he let you in.
Look, we think you got something.
I'm not exactly sure what that is just yet
but, um, all we know is you got a lot of work to do.
So don't quit your day job yet.
Adam.
Adam, get out here. I need to talk to you. What do you want?
I want to talk to you, man. Get the fuck out.
Get out, Adam. I'll be out in a minute, please. One sec.
Adam, I need to fucking talk to you.
What about? Um, About this box.
I need to talk to you about this box...
Oh, fuck me.
..of boots and thongs and sailor hats and tube socks.
And I am fucking... I don't know. It's for work.
For work? Adam, don't fucking lie to me, man.
Come on. I'm your sister. I love you. I don't judge you.
You're my brother. Just please come out here so I can talk to you.
I don't care what your preferences are, man.
Preferences? I just want to talk to you about...
Whoa, hey.
It is not what it looks like.
Is that my razor?
Yeah.
Are you shaving your fucking legs?
Yeah, I'm shaving my legs.
Why are you shaving your legs?
It's for work. OK?
What do you mean, it's for work?
How could it possibly be for work?
# Well, I walk into the room passing out hundred dollar bills
# And it kills and it thrills like the horns
# Of my Silverado grill
# And I buy the bar a double round of crown
# And everybody's getting down... #
Excuse me. You're going to have to move it down.
This is the breakfast lovers' section. Here we go.
Mike.
Hi. Hi.
Entrepreneur/stripper? Stripper/entrepreneur?
Either one. It's fine.
You really just came down to see little brother?
No, I was hoping this was all a joke.
It is pretty funny.
You better take care of him, Mike.
OK, Mom.
I'll take care of him. You should stick around, though.
All right, all right. Let's give it up for the kid, huh?
Bang! A six shooter for you. There we go.
This next performer who's coming out -
he's one of a kind, ladies.
CHEERING
I saw this young man walking down the street about six years ago
and I knew when I saw him, I just knew I had to bring him in.
Bring him in and have his talents be shown to the universe.
CHEERING
And tonight, he's going to be right here on this stage
so you can see with your very own eyes.
Our feature presentation, the one and only,
the star of the show, Mr Magic Mike.
CHEERING
MUSIC: Pony by Ginuwine
# I'm just a bachelor
# I'm looking for a partner
# Someone who knows how to ride
# Without even falling off
# Gotta be compatible
# Takes me to my limits
# Girl, when I break you off
# I promise that you won't want to get off
# If you're horny, let's do it
# Ride it, my pony
# My saddle's waiting
# Come and jump on it
# If you're horny, let's do it
# Ride it, my pony
# My saddle's waiting
# Come and jump on it
# Sitting here flossing
# Peepin' your steelo
# Just once, if I have the chance
# The things I would do to you
# You and your body
# Every single portion
# Send chills up and down your spine
# Juices flowing down your thigh
# If you're horny, let's do it
# Ride it, my pony
# My saddle's waiting
# Come and jump on it
# If you're horny, let's do it
# Ride it, my pony
# My saddle's waiting
# Come and jump on it. #
Did you see your sister tonight?
See my sister? Yeah. What do you mean?
Your sister was there.
No, she wasn't.
Yeah, she was there during your act.
You talked to my sister?
I talked to your sister as you were dry-humping a girl
up and down the stage, yes. My sister saw me dance?
Yeah, we were actually laughing.
I had a pretty good laugh about it.
Oh, wow!
Fuck! Ha-ha. She did not look happy. Did you tell her to come up?
I told her. I didn't think she'd fucking come. Jeez.
Well, she did. Wow. I don't know how long she stayed for,
but it was, er...
She looked pissed.
LAUGHTER
Oof!
How much money did you make tonight?
How much money? Yeah.
Like, 230.
230? That's good, man.
Oh, by the way, I got this for you.
Er, just for gas and shit.
Get the...!
MIKE LAUGHS
Are you kidding me, dude? Keep your money. It's fine.
Dude, you drive me around all the time. I can pay for my own gas.
It's fine. Thank you, though.
It was a really sweet gesture. I appreciate it.
Thank you.
That's a beautiful necklace.
Is that Vintage? Oh, I, er...
No, it's... No, it's...
My sister got it for me - from Target, I think.
Er...
SBA, yes, er...
Name and social. Absolutely.
Michael Lane.
038007128.
And I brought the funds for my down payment.
Yes.
Yeah.
OK.
All right.
OK, we seem to have a credit issue, Mr Lane.
Your score, see. It's... Right. I, actually...
I talked to Mr Rodriguez last week. Oh.
And as I was explaining to him, the businesses that I manage,
they deal exclusively in cash.
And he said that he would forego the credit check
if I brought in a healthy down payment.
It should be noted in there. He said he was going to put it in.
Absolutely.
Er, you are currently the manager of an automotive accessories business?
Mm-hm, absolutely. And an event management company,
a roofing firm.
MIKE LAUGHS
Honestly, the list goes on.
Wow, you're a busy guy. Yeah.
Lucky to be.
So, what kind of rates am I looking at?
There are ways to clear these credit issues up over time...
Oh, my God. I haven't even told you
what I'm here for. I really apologise.
This is what I do.
Right here. Michael Lane Custom Furniture Concepts.
It's competitive pricing. Low overhead.
I mean, really, who wants to buy that crap
when it falls apart in a year
when you can get handcrafted furniture for a bargain?
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Unfortunately, Mr Lane, my hands are tied.
The company has a policy that we cannot issue loans
to clients who score below our credit threshold.
I can absolutely understand where you're coming from.
You know, you hit buttons and you think
that you know something about me.
And I get it. That's OK. It's OK.
All I'm just...
All I'm asking for is a good deal.
Please, can you help me with that?
I mean, we do offer relief programmes
for our qualified distressed clients, so that...
I'm sorry. What?
It's a relief programme, so... For distressed?
I'm distressed?
No. No, not like that.
Sweetheart, listen. It's OK.
It's fine. Does this look distressed?
I don't think so. One. Two, I read the papers, OK?
The only thing's that distressed is y'all.
DOORBELL RINGS
DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY
You can't get the door?
# Happy birthday
# Mrs Pres... #
Er...
Adam, it's for you.
Happy birthday! Pfft!
Ha-ha. Come on! Let's go! Sandbar party!
Fourth of July! Nuts-on-your-head wake-up call!
Let's go. Come on.
No, no, no. You are coming, too. Don't even try.
I'm going to go to bed. It's seven in the morning.
"Oh, it's seven in the morning. I hate fun."
Jesus Christ, you better have some epic plans
if you're going to turn your back on a sandbar party.
# Let's go out and make the road shake
# I've got love to make
# And I've gotta leave at the morning light
# Got a book to write
# Leatherbound in my feathered hand
# To make you understand
# That it's just for now
# It's just for now
# 20 years on a steady slope
# I'm all out of hope. #
What did I tell you?
Paradise.
BROOKE SCOFFS
Yeah, paradise.
Marooned on an island with all the strippers in Tampa.
How did I get so lucky?
The best Fourth of July ever.
I literally was just thinking that in my head,
like just now.
BROOKE LAUGHS
Get out of my head!
Oh, shit! Yo!
Hey. What are you doing here?
You know me. Always making new friends.
Good to see you. Good to see you, too. How are you?
I'm good. This is, er, Brooke.
Hi. Oh, hey.
Brooke, Joanna. Joanna, Brooke.
Hi. Nice to meet you. You, too. I like your bikini.
Thank you. You, too. Is that a tattoo?
Yeah. What does it say? I was trying to make it out.
Oh, it just says I was 17 and...
BROOKE LAUGHS
Yeah.
It's crazy. Yeah, so I know Joanna from the club.
She came up... She studied psychology
and she came up to do...
What's the thing you came up to do?
Behaviour analysis. Right.
She was analysising our behaviour, apparently.
Right, yeah. That must have been really enlightening.
It actually was. You know, I go a few times a week,
if you want to come with us?
She is actually the kid's brother.
I mean, sister. Sister.
Yeah. Right.
Is that a tattoo over there, too? Yeah.
She has tattoos. Do you want a drink?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was nice to meet you.
It was nice to meet you, too.
She's cute. What? I don't normally like blondes, I know,
but she's really cute.
Yeah, but she's not really our type. Do you know what I'm saying?
What? You're not into her?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying she's a little uptight.
OK, well, we're fucking her, not taking her to dinner.
That's not going to happen. She's a dinner type,
is what I'm trying to say. Do you get me? Oh, OK.
If you decide you want to share... That's not...
..and change your mind and put some effort into it, you know my number.
Besides, you know how much I love to eat.
Yes, I will.
Obviously you don't like head.
I started cheating in the seventh grade just to entertain myself.
Finished high school, but if I could do it all over again
I wouldn't have even gone to high school. No, no fucking way.
Does that mean you don't believe in school at all?
I think fuck school altogether.
When I have a kid, I'm going to set him in front of the TV,
make him watch Mad Money all day long.
I'm going to teach him about the stock market.
Get him into Ameritrade and shit like that.
I guarantee you, by the time he's 18,
that little fucker's going to be flush in cash.
Booyah!
I don't know why more people don't do that. Hmm?
You know, just from an investment standpoint.
Well, that's the state of the country, man.
America. People. Stupid.
I hope I get to meet your kids someday.
Oh, no problem.
Come visit any time in one of our three cool houses, dear.
Hey, look, if you want, I could probably get
Dallas' number for you.
I mean, he's starting this new life-coaching business...
BROOKE LAUGHS
..that I really do think
that you might benefit from personally.
I mean, I saw the connection between you two.
What? I'm sorry.
Right! So you felt it, too?
What? Just, what? What would his kids even look like?
They'd be running around in little rattlesnake diapers and shit.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Look, don't... They just say stupid shit sometimes.
Don't let them bother you. Oh, no, it didn't bother me.
No, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around Adam and this whole mix.
I get it. I don't know how I fit into this whole mix, either.
So it's fine. No, you...
When you're onstage, it all makes sense.
I mean, the way you dance and the way the women respond to you.
Wait a minute. So that means someone might have stuck around.
That's good to know.
Yeah.
That feeling... That must be a really crazy feeling
to be onstage like that.
I see why you've been doing it for so long. I get it.
But Adam's different. He's... Why is that?
Well, he had a football scholarship.
I mean, a year ago, he basically ruined it
by getting in a fistfight with his coach in the first hour
of the first day.
Yeah. I think he said something about that. Yeah.
So I just don't... I'm just trying to figure out why stripping.
The why is easy. What do you mean, "It's easy?"
What do you mean? You want some stripper wisdom? OK.
You ready? Yeah.
He's 19 years old.
It's women, money and a good time.
I guess. I guess.
I got him.
OK?
OK.
So, you gonna come to the show tonight? No.
You're gonna come to the show. No. You just said you liked the show.
That doesn't mean I'm gonna go again.
But you just said... I'm not going. I've seen it.
I've seen it. I've seen too much!
Does that mean you were lying? I'm not lying.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
MILITARY-STYLE MARCH PLAYS
CHANTING: I do know and I've been told.
ALL REPLY: I do know and I've been told.
Big Dick Richie got a cock of gold.
Now, let's give it up for the Virgin Kid.
Let's give it up for the Virgin Kid.
Anything you want, he won't forbid.
Now, Mikey got a pipe you gonna love.
Mikey's got a cock you know you gonna love.
What he got down low fits like a glove.
Soldiers, sound off. One, two.
Sound off. Three, four.
ALL: One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four!
CHEERING
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
GUNFIRE SOUND EFFECT
HE CLEARS THROAT
LIGHT KNOCKING
MIKE CHUCKLES
Oh, don't do that. Don't do that.
I didn't...
He did that himself. Hey, Mike. I just... I'm bringing him home.
Hey, brother bear.
Yeah, thank you. He's just stoned out of his mind.
Yeah.
Um...um... Oh.
Hi.
What's up, dude?
Yeah, we... We... My bad. We, um...
Yeah. All right, Kid, I'll see you later. What's up, dude?
MOUTHS: Is that Paul?
Yeah. It is? It's... Yeah.
HE MOUTHS
WHISPERING: How's it going?
Yeah, it's good. Go on.
SHE CHUCKLES
Go!.
Hey, thanks. Thanks for bringing him back. Yeah.
I told you I was gonna take care of him, didn't I? Yeah.
Watch yourself. All right.
THEY GIGGLE
CLANK
KEYS JINGLE, CLINK
SHE SIGHS
So, um, I don't know, how's...how's school or whatever?
Um...
It's good. It's good.
SHE CLEARS THROAT
I'm sorry,
what the fuck do you study again? Social studies or sociology or...
Wait, did you say social studies?
Social science?
THEY CHUCKLE
What, am I in middle school or something?
No. No. No?
Psychology.
So how much longer you got in, um, psychology?
Um, I have six weeks until I'm...
For real? Six weeks? Yeah.
And then I'm a certified shrink. Six weeks. That's right.
Wow. I know. People have to pay me now.
That's huge. It is, yeah.
I'm not paying you. Not for these little visits, at least.
I'd feel bad taking money from you.
HE CHUCKLES I'm too fucked up anyway, so...
Oh, you're not so bad.
SHE CLEARS THROAT
So, what, you gonna open up your own...
You ask a lot of questions, don't you?
Little Chatty Cathy tonight, huh?
Chatty Cathy. Chatty Cathy.
And questions are off-limits, I guess?
They're always off-limits. Really?
You don't need to talk, just look pretty.
What was your name again? I can't remember your name. What was it?
CHUCKLING
Look, I'm gonna go, OK? Um...
But I'll give you a call? Mm-hm. Mm-hm?
Mm-hm. OK. Mm. Mm-hm.
Mm, mwah.
Get out of here.
MUSIC: Money by Ringside
# I do believe that this could be the beginning
# Of something really special
# Go!
# I gotta feeling you and me together, we will be sensational
# But ya better hold on cos this feeling's so strong
# My heart is just jumping from my chest
# I'm gonna pop 'n' lock till the wall's broke down
# The machine is fierce and fast
# Go! Go!
# The money, baby
# You stone-cold sister, make a mess of the rest
# It ain't funny
# Ooh, the money, baby
# Got you're finger on the trigger, cocked up and ready to blow
# Oh
# Baby, how you handle when the pedal's to the metal
# You break all the laws of physics
# There ain't no stoppin' when a body's this rockin'
# Sugar, your shit is ridiculous
# Let's paint the sky red, get so out of our heads
# There will be no point of return
# You make me chase-chase for the love you make-make
# Now let's suck, suck or burn
# The money, baby
# You stone-cold sister, make a mess of the rest
# It ain't funny
# Ooh, the money, baby
# Got your finger on the trigger, all cocked up and ready to blow
# Oh, blow
# Oh! #
That's what I'm saying. I'm looking at longevity.
I mean, this is fun for now,
but I'm not gonna be this young and beautiful forever, you know? So...
Strip malls - I think I got a good idea, you know?
And I watch all these people, these Carleton Sheets and these guys on TV,
and I read this other book called Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
That's a great book. You read that? I actually went to the convention.
Yeah, Robert... Kawasaki. Kiyosaki. Kiyosaki. Yeah, that's the guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
DALLAS: Heeeyah!
All right, all right, all right, heeyah!
If everybody can quiet down a second here.
Quiet down a sec?
RICHIE: Hey, everybody. Shut the fuck up.
Richie, that's fucking microsuede, man.
Aw, shit. Sorry, bro. It's all right. Thanks.
All right, now I got an announcement to make.
Now, that means you too, Tarzan. Come on, big boy,
out of the shadows, into the light. Come on, baby.
I've been telling y'all this is gonna be a special night for a long time,
and now I'm gonna tell you why.
Despite the hurricane
that has soiled our rather bountiful Saturday afternoon,
the good Lord has blessed the Kings of Tampa this summer.
Can I get an "Amen" on that?
ALL: Amen. Yes! Amen!
CHEERING
We've been talking a lot about the markets.
Waiting for the sweet spot.
Waiting for our time to make our move, take our show global.
Well, as of September 1st.
We will no longer be the Cockrocking Kings of Tampa.
No, sir, no, ma'am.
We will be the Cockrocking Kings
of 4,000 square feet
of Miami primetime beachfront real estate, motherfuckers!
CHEERING
Fuck yeah!
Ah, Big Dick, keep it fucking hanging low.
Tito, call them Cubano cousins, huh? They on their way, baby.
Kid, you ready for the big time, huh?
You ready for the big time? I am.
All right, Tobias, you ready to take your big self to the beach?
I'm ready, man. I'm ready. Huh?
Ken, the housewives are gonna love you down there.
So blessed. They're gonna love you, man.
Huh. Tarzan, did you know they made trees tall enough to swing from
Tampa to motherfucking Miami, huh?
TARZAN GRUNTS
Huh?! Yeah!
My main man.
The moon is just a chip shot away, brother.
A chip shot away. Fuck, yeah.
I gotta let it sink in, man. We're really doing this?
Oh, fuck, yeah, we're doing this, man. This is our time.
All right. All right. Listen, man, I couldn't even have dreamed
all this shit up without you. We're gonna do it together.
We're gonna do it just like we always said.
7.5 across the board, we are gonna motherfucking...
You meant to say ten, didn't you?
Congrats, Kid.
Thanks, man.
You know, if you want to go in on a pack with me,
Mike's not interested, but, you know, we can go halfsies.
I could make it worth your while.
Yeah, sure.
CHUCKLING
Bueno! All right.
I'll talk to you later about it, OK? Yeah.
MUSIC: Sassy Sexy Wiggle by Joe Tex
Who is that?
Nora.
I don't think you need that in your life, bro.
THUNDER CRACKS
Ha! Hey, baby girl, what are you doing?
Huh?
No, I'm at, um... I don't know, I'm at this party.
It's getting lame. I want to get outta here.
How about I, um, I don't know, come scoop you up?
I can bring you a present.
What? What thing?
THUNDER CRACKS
Boom!
I got a thing.
Come on, you ain't...
All right.
OK. All right, I'll call you later.
This is Herman.
Hi, Herman.
He likes you.
Hey, y'all. It's all right.
Hey, man.
We'd like to order.
All right.
That pig is so fucking cute.
SHE CHUCKLES
Angels or demons?
Angels. Angels, OK.
If you chew it, it'll hit you quicker.
You're gonna fucking love this one. Yeah? Yeah.
Fucking Miami, man.
HE CHUCKLES
Fucking Miami.
How you kids doing tonight?
That storm is crazy, huh?
Beautiful.
HE INHALES DEEPLY THUNDER CRACKS
My wife's tits are awesome, right?
What?
I said my wife's tits are awesome.
Yeah.
Check them out, man.
You fucking joking? I'm not fucking joking. Check them out.
Feel 'em, man. They're so fucking amazing.
SHE CHUCKLES
Come on.
It's OK. Go ahead, man.
They're real, I swear. Yeah, I bet they are.
See?
This is OK?
It's OK with me, man. She loves it.
I fucking love you.
No, man, I love you.
No, you don't understand. I fucking love you.
No, I fucking...
I fucking love you, man. I love you, man.
I fucking love you. You're such a fucking special soul.
I love you.
SHE CHUCKLES
I love you too.
KEYBOARD CLACKS
LOUD WHISTLE
Oh, come on.
CAR HORN BEEPS
Is she even home?
Brooke!
Hi!
Hi! What do you think?
Is it yours?
Is it mine? Fuck, yeah, it's mine.
It's very you.
Come on. Let's go. We're gonna celebrate.
Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on, c'mere! Come on.
HE WHISTLES
Are you calling me like a dog? What, huh?
Are you calling me like a dog? Who did that?
You want me to say something to him?
SHE CHUCKLES
I'll say something to him.
OK, so I've seen the stripping. Yup.
Tell me about being an entrepreneur.
It's entrepre-NEW, actually. Oh, of course. It's, um, French.
It's French. It is.
You know about the roofing, and I got a mobile detailing thing on the side,
but the whole endgame is the custom furniture business that I'm trying to start.
Custom furniture? Yeah.
So you must be really good with your hands.
I did not say that. Yes, I did.
But I'm really glad you made that point. Good one on me.
It's very insightful, actually. That's a lot of stuff. Yes, it is.
So, if you could wake up and do the one thing that would make you the happiest every morning...
The happiest? Yeah, money aside.
Money aside, I would wake up
on the beach somewhere just making stuff every single day.
Really? Yeah. Really? Mm-hm.
Tables and chairs, that kind of thing? Whatever.
Anything. Everything. But custom, one-of-a-kind stuff, you know?
Not the knock-off stuff you see in people's kitchens from time to time.
Hey! Hey! I'm just saying! I don't have a custom furniture-maker man.
Well, now you do. OK?
So are you in business? Why aren't you in...
I will be as soon as the banks
start making the competitive rates on loans and... I will.
Look, I've been saving for six years.
Why do you think I'm doing all these stupid businesses
and stripping? It's just... I don't know. I've saved about 13 grand.
It's gonna happen eventually.
Wow, 13.
That's a lot of ones.
HE CHUCKLES
There were some fives in there. Oh, OK. No 20s?
Oh, you don't want to know what I have to do for 20s.
You know what? I don't. You know what? Let's drink these and I'll show you.
No, that's OK.
THEY CHUCKLE
So, Miami, huh?
Mm-hm.
I don't like it. Don't be mad. No, stop. I'm not mad.
I'm not trying to tell him what to do. I just don't like it.
Did you just... I just want to clear something up.
Did you just take my advice?
By not telling him what to do? Yeah. No. I just don't have a choice.
I'm just saying I think that was something I might've said to you.
What, do you want some credit? Are we fighting?
SHE CHUCKLES
Is this our first fight?
Come on. Let's make up. Oh, no.
I don't like being mad at you. Look at that face.
I really don't like being mad at you. You guys are gonna have fun in Miami.
Just try not to forget about the normal people.
You know, like the people who exist in the daylight. The non-vampires.
Right, right, so you're not a vampire? No, I'm not a vampire.
Well, this is not gonna work out at all between you and I.
SHE LAUGHS
I...
A thing for vampires? Yeah, got a bit of a thing.
You want to get something to eat sometime?
I don't know, just, like, get some food?
What do you mean, like a date?
No, that's not...
If you don't want to call it that, no.
I don't know. Why?
Cos of what's-his-name that moved to Orlando? Paul?
Paul. Yeah. Paul. Paul and I are figuring things out.
Hmm.
How's that going?
HE CHUCKLES
Are you gonna weigh in on that too? No.
Plus, I don't exactly sport-fuck my brother's stripper friends, so...
I'm sorry, who said anything about that?
I was just talking about talking and being friends or something.
Well, if you want to talk, my door's always open, Mike.
Are you trying to hit on my sister?
No. I'm sorry, and if I was,
what the hell you gonna do about it? Whoa, brother.
HE LAUGHS
Whoa, brother. Not me, her!
Oh, my God. Come on, let's do one more. One more, come on.
Dude, I would love to, but we can't. You get Dallas's text?
We got a sorority tonight, in like a half hour.
A sorority?
Five hundred bones to rub our nuts... Oh, no. Adam!
..on some girl's chest. I see what's happening here.
# I ate a Kappa just like this
# I ate a Kappa, I ate a Kappa! #
You guys are really... Don't be mad. Have a great time.
I love you. Come on, we gotta stop fighting like this!
SHE CHUCKLES
We gotta stop fighting!
Just find your own way back. I got the keys, right?
You do not have the keys, I...
Oh, shit, you do have the keys. I have the keys!
She's got the keys. We gotta go.
R&B PLAYS
Good evening. Good evening. You live here? Yeah.
Yeah? What's your name? Kim.
Kim, can you move back for me, please?
We keep getting complaints of noise and underage drinking.
Gentlemen? Everybody's 21 here?
I'm gonna need to check some IDs, unfortunately.
Can you accompany me in here, please?
Ladies, everybody's 21 here?
Mm-hm. Yeah. Yes?
She is definitely not 21, I'm sorry. What's your birthday?
Um, May 20th, 19...
19...? Yeah, that's what I thought. Put your hands on the wall.
Everybody sit down. We're gonna be here for a while.
Ma'am, can you spread your legs for me, ma'am?
You don't have anything sharp on you
that I can stick myself with, do you?
No. Good.
TURNS MUSIC UP
Cos I do.
CHEERING
Yeah!
CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
MUSIC: Wash U Clean by Beth Thornley
# You gotta open, open that choke
# Cos when you're here, the air, it won't clear
# Cos you just blowin', just blowin' smoke
# You got a blue-feather bird on a golden swing
# It wears a ruby-tipped crown but it don't sing
# You keep bringin' me gifts like it ain't no thing
# I-I thought you said goodbye
# I thought you let, let that damn bird fly
# There it goes
# Baby, I can't wash you clean
# You got a match
# Well, I got the gasoline
# Baby, redemption ain't free. #
Did you see it?
Hey!
You give some Ecstasy to my girl?
No.
I said, you give some Ecstasy to my chick?
Hey, fuck off.
OK. Cool.
GIRLS SCREAM
Hey!
Hey, back the fuck up! We gotta go.
Let's go. Adam, let's go.
All right. Back the fuck up.
Let's go. Let's go!
Woo! What the fuck are you doing, man?! What the fuck are you doing
giving pills to girls that you don't know?!
Shit, dude. You're lucky we got out of there, bro.
Dude, my fucking backpack. We have to go back. Fuck your backpack! We're not going back.
No, you don't understand. It has my fucking pills in!
Fuck your pills. You're just gonna have to eat it.
Dude, Tobias fronted me fucking pills to sell them on for some extra cash.
What the fuck are you doing taking pills from Tobias? I need to go back.
Why is he giving you pills? How many?
I don't know, man. Fucking...like 100.
"Like 100" or 100? That's a grand.
You're gonna have to pay every single one of those back.
Fuck, dude. Fuck that. Guess what?
What do you mean, "Fuck that"? I got that equity, baby.
Dallas gave me that cut of Miami, woo!
I don't even fucking care about a fucking grand. Who cares?
Fuck. Damn, that was crazy shit!
HE LAUGHS
Fuck.
You bailing on me?
Nope, not at all.
Oh, my God. What are you doing here? Oh, hey.
I thought you were out of town, like, forever.
Yeah, I decided to stay in town.
Great. What's up, man? Mike. Ryan.
Nice to meet you, sir. Nice to meet you.
Um, Ryan, um...
..is my fiance.
What?
Are you... Are you fucking with me right now?
I'm gonna go hit the bathroom. Oh.
No. You guys sound like you've got a lot to talk about.
It's really time for me to go stare in the mirror anyway,
so nice meeting you. Yes, sir. See you, babe.
OK.
HE INHALES
Hmm.
OK. All right, I'm not exactly...
OK. All right.
It was good to see you.
DALLAS: Well, lookie here what the cat dragged in.
Conyo, what happened?
Um...
It was... It was nothing. It was fucked up. Sorry.
"It was fucked up"? "Sorry"?
Mm-hm. That's all you got to say?
I don't know. You really want to discuss it?
I take it you didn't collect.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot to ask, you know, for the money
as they were throwing beer bottles at our heads. Hmm.
You know, it's about the last fucking thing I need
for my reputation before we make the big move, Mike.
I'm sorry, are we fucking your reputation up?
Hmm.
The last time I checked,
I think it's the Kid and I's reputation
that's "making the big move" for you, isn't it?
What the fuck did you say, buddy?
I don't know, I think you were standing six feet away from me. I think you heard me.
Hey, you might want to check yourself, old friend.
Nobody walks on water on my team.
Except for you, right?
Old friend.
Ah...
What you thinking about?
Biting the hand that feeds you, big dog, hmm?
You don't fucking feed me, Dallas.
I can walk right out that door right now
and do a fuck of a lot better than 7.5%.
I'm sorry, that used to be ten.
But you don't.
You didn't. And you won't.
Hmm. Because you can't.
I can't? OK.
So you gotta deal with what you got.
TOBIAS WHISPERS: Hey, what's going on?
That pack you gave me? Hmm?
It's gone. That's great.
No.
It's gone gone.
You lost it? I'm sorry, man. ..act like the professionals I trained you to be.
Fuck sorry. You got to take care of this.
Dude, we'll figure it out. It's fine, yeah?
No, you need to figure it out.
Get the fuck off me.
Seniority don't mean shit around here, man.
You are worth the cash you pry out of their fucking purses,
and you know that better than anybody.
You want a bigger piece? Come up with some fresher shit, man.
You're not getting any younger.
APPLAUSE
What the fuck are you doing?
I need you doing the sailor routine tonight, man.
I got four tables of Navy wives stageside.
Get changed. Oh, no. I'm taking your advice.
Bringing you some fresher shit.
Seeing as I'm getting equity and all.
CHEERING
GARAGE BEAT PLAYS
CHEERING
Perfect date time. Perfect date.
INAUDIBLE
Give me the astronaut thing.
No, I met this guy and he...
You got them going out there, Mike. Yeah.
Good job, man.
He's met just about every single Russian and American astronaut
that's ever been in outer space, living or dead.
DALLAS: I'm gonna need a little help to get him out here.
So, the first man in outer space -
Russian. Right. Yuri Gagarin.
Yeah, cosmonaut. He's the second one.
The first one died on re-entry.
Yo, we're gonna get fucked up tonight, right?
MUSIC: Victim by Win Win
# Hocus pocus
# The time is now
# Haven't you noticed
# That the problem's government
# They capitalise the punishment
# They try to tell me pull my poison
# But they not givin' me no answers
# So I stay fly-high with the clouds
# Don't care if they like what I'm talkin' about
# At all
# Can somebody tell me
# How did I become a victim of society?
# All my life I tried to not become a simple victim of society
# Can somebody tell me
# How did I become a victim of society?
# All my life I tried to not become a simple victim of society
# Hocus pocus
# The time is now
# Haven't you noticed
# That the problem's government
# They capitalise the punishment
# They try to tell me pull my poison
# But they not giving me no answers
# So I stay fly-high with the clouds
# Don't care if they like what I'm talkin' bout
# At all
# Can somebody tell me
# How did I become a victim of society? #
Mike.
BANGING ON DOOR
Mike, hello?
BANGING CONTINUES MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY
Open up.
Mike! All right, hold on!
Hey. Hey.
You have fun last night?
What? Did you have fun last night?
Yeah, um, what's up?
Is Adam here?
He left me a couple of weird-sounding voice messages,
and, um, sounded all fucked up, and now I can't reach him.
Yeah, he's in here. OK. Come on. Cool.
Where is he?
Um, he should be upstairs.
He's with somebody, though, so, you know, I'd call out.
Kid!
Adam?
Adam. Adam! What?
Fuck! Adam. Is he OK?
Hey, come here. Adam, wake up.
HE RETCHES Stop. He's fine, he's breathing.
Oh, my God, Adam. Hey, come on. What the fuck did he take?!
I don't know. Um, probably just some G. Wake up! Open your eyes, dude.
What the fuck did you do to my brother? Relax. Yo, Brooke.
What did you do to my brother?! He's breathing. He's fine.
Get the fuck off me, Mike. Whoa! I'll fucking kill you. Chill out!
I will fucking kill you. Whoa!
He's gonna be fine. He's not OK!
Just calm down. No, shut up. Shut up! We fucked up.
Shut up! I see you, Mike. I fucking see you.
You think you have your shit all figured out,
everyone all figured out, but I fucking see you. OK.
You just need to relax. You're acting fucking crazy.
No! And I get it.
Mike, you are a bullshit 30-year-old male stripper!
OK. How about just get the fuck out? No problem.
Done. Adam, come on.
Adam, wake the fuck up. Adam, please.
Adam, let's go. Come on, Adam.
SHE SOBS
Adam. God.
Adam, wake up. Adam, we have to go.
Stop. Just let me... No, Mike, this is my brother.
Brooke, let me, please, carry him out. Stop.
SHE SOBS
I can't do this any more, Adam.
You hear me?
Come on, let's go.
GLASS SMASHES
You guys need to stop already.
You motherfucker!
Mike? Get off of him. Hey.
Hey!
Fuck off. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, primo. Sorry? Fuck you, man.
What the fuck are you doing breaking into my house, Tobias?!
I tried calling your cell, man.
My cell? Fuck my cell. What are you fucking doing, man?
Listen, I told them not to break shit, man,
but they don't work for me. That did a good job, didn't it?
Look, man, I'm sorry. We're looking for the Kid, OK?
We're looking for the Kid. So you brought them here?
What the fuck are you looking for him for? He's late on his front, man, OK?
And as you can see, he was due today.
It was 100 pills. 100 pills. That's 1,000 bucks.
I think he's good for that, don't you? No, no, no.
Is that what he told you? 100?
We went in on a whole pack, hombre. A whole pack.
Well, what's his half?
Ten grand.
What? Ten grand.
Listen, I don't know if he lost it, or if he's just being a fucking kid.
Either way, it doesn't matter any more. OK?
Look, you gotta...
What... What am I...
I don't know, I can maybe sign over the van
until he can figure out something out.
Fuck, I don't know, man.
Come on, primo. The guys I'm rolling with,
they ain't about fucking paperwork, man, tu sabes?
You know, primo, if you want, I can talk to my guys and we can try to get him another day.
And what the fuck would that do? He doesn't have it.
Hey, look, I just hate to see you doing this.
Just don't give him any more shit to sell.
No, that's fine. It's just like he's starting to act like a real punk.
I think one of us should talk to him. Well, you've done enough, haven't you?
I'll talk to him. It's fine.
GATE OPENS
KNOCKING
MIKE SIGHS
Hey.
Um...
Look, I'm looking for Adam. He's not picking up his phone.
Is he all right?
Yeah, he's OK.
I mean, he doesn't live here any more.
Where is he?
I'm not sure. I think he's with Nora.
OK, cool. Just, um, let him know
that I'm looking for him if you see him.
Ha, this is so much bullshit!
You know that, right?
This is really how we're gonna end this?
Are you fucking serious?
I mean, I said everything I needed to say.
You had a lot to say yesterday.
You don't have anything else to say? You want to add onto that?
You damn sure didn't let me talk, so let me talk now.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I fucked it up. I didn't mean to do that.
All right? I didn't want to fuck it up.
I promised you that I would take care of him,
and I didn't, and I'm sorry about that.
You're the last person that I...
Yeah, I believe you
and I know you're basically a good person.
Adam was...
..gonna do whatever Adam wanted to do.
I just can't be around your lifestyle.
You can't be around my... That...
I'm not my lifestyle.
That's who you think...? That isn't fucking...
I'm not... Am I Magic...
HE SPLUTTERS
Am I Magic Mike right now talking to you?
I'm not my goddamn job. That's not who...
That's not what I... That's not what I do. That's not me.
It is what I do, but it's not who I am.
I'm not just...
That's why I want to go to Miami,
because I don't want to fucking be some 40-year-old stripper.
I want to own something. I want to actually...
I've been trying to fucking, this whole time, trying to...
HE SIGHS
So you don't believe anything that I've said to you?
You don't... Right now, nothing. I'm just...
You don't believe any of it?
Mike, I think the question is do you believe it?
I just think that Miami is gonna be a bigger badder version of this.
But g-good luck to you.
If you believe it, good luck to you.
And Adam too.
But I'm gonna be here.
Hey. I...
I, um...
I want to say thank you about the money.
I know how much that shit meant to you,
especially cos of that furniture crap you wanted to do.
ADAM CHUCKLES
I, um...
I'm gonna pay you back every last cent. I want you to know that.
All right. Look, man, we're gonna look back in 20 years...
You're gonna be dead, probably, but I can look back in 20 years
and look at the shit that we've done together, man.
Fuck.
Look where I was three months ago.
Three months ago.
Look at where I am now.
I can't thank you enough.
Fuck, man. I was nowhere.
I have money.
I can fuck who I want to fuck.
I have freedom, thanks to you.
And I'm having a fucking ball.
And we're gonna have a fucking ball in Miami, man.
So can you smile? Can you look at me?
I only have one thing to say.
That is to my best friend.
A guy who has given me more
in this lifetime than I could ever ask for.
And to bright futures.
DALLAS: # Ladies of Tampa-ah-ah... #
Woo! Woo!
# The first time that you ever walked into my life
# In oh so many ways, you all became my wife... #
CHEERING
# Ladies, yeah, I'm talkin' to you
# Ladies of Tampa
# Even though we gotta go
# There's one thing you gotta know
# Ain't no matter how much you love me for sure
# Ooh, ooh, ooh
# I'll always love you more
# Ooh
# I'll always love you more than you know
# You got me tied to a chain I'm just a slave to your soul
# And there ain't nothin' I can do about it, that's fo' sure... #
CHEERING
# Ladies of Tampa-ah-ah. #
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
MUSIC: Calling Dr Love by Kiss
CHEERING INTENSIFIES
# You need my love, baby, oh so bad
# You're not the only one, I've ever had
# And if I say I wanna set you free
# Don't you know you'll be in misery? #
I could be a friend to you.
CHUCKLING
What about romance, man?
Hit 'em with the long arm of love, baby.
My good friend, Andy.
LAUGHING
I'm just saying you always put up a fight.
I know what we could do - Anaconda, Part III.
Hey, hey, um, what about?
# And even though I'm full of sin
# In the end, you'll let me in
# You'll let me through, there's nothing you can do
# You need my loving, don't you know it's true?
# So answer, please
# And get on your knees
# There are no bills, there are no fees
# Baby, I know what your problem is
# The first step of the cure is a kiss... #
THEY CHUCKLE
# They call me Dr Love
# Calling Dr Love
# They call me Dr Love
# Calling Dr Love
# Whoa! #
CHEERING
# They call me Dr Love Calling Dr Love
# I am the doctor of Love Calling Dr Love
# I've got the cure you're thinking of
# Calling Dr Love
# Ooh, they call me... #
Woo! Yeah, motherfucker.
Dallas be riding again.
Woo! It's a fucking revival.
Ha!
Hot damn. It feels good to be back on that fucking horse again.
That was the old stuff! Oh, shit!
Still got it. All right,
y'all ready to rock a little and fucking rein them in?
Oh, yeah. Close this baby out.
Yeah. Where's Mike?
He's gone.
Mikey?
He went back there to take a piss, man. He should be back any second.
Mikey's gone.
What do you mean, he's gone?
I thought he was gonna go take a piss and he went out the back door.
Hey, Mike, yo?
Let's go, we're up.
He's coming back, man.
All right, come here.
You ready to be the man?
Are you ready to be the man? Yes, I'm ready.
I've been waiting for this fucking time. It's all yours. Come here.
Startin' right fucking now. Let's make it fucking count.
All the way. Let's go. Kid's in, Mike's out.
Let's bring this motherfucker down all the way to Miami.
Let's go. Hey!
All right, ladies. So, we know we made fire.
We know we got fire, now we gotta make it rain.
Can you make it rain, ladies? Can you make it rain?
Let's give it up for the last time on this stage,
the one, the only, your very own,
the Cockrocking Kings of Tampa.
CHEERING
Hey.
What are you doing here?
Um...
Aren't you supposed to be at the show?
C-Can I, um...
Um...
I just need to talk.
Yeah, OK.
Come on in.
HE CLEARS THROAT
Um...
Look, I, um... I just came by to...
Look, Mike, before you say anything, I just need you to know
that when you came by this morning,
Adam hadn't told me what you did for him.
And that was really a lot of money
and you did not have to do that. I didn't do it for him.
Look, that's not even why I came by. I just...
Ah. Um, look, I'm not going to Miami.
Really? Yeah.
I think you're right. I'm... I'm done.
Wow.
What are you gonna do?
I don't know. I guess I need a new plan.
Do you want to get some food and talk about it?
What, like a...like a date?
Well...
What would Tall Paul say, huh?
Tall Paul can't say anything any more.
I broke up with him.
He didn't like breakfast food?
Not as much as I do.
This is a good thing. In that case,
I would love to get some breakfast.
OK.
Let's go get something to eat.
The thing is I only go to one place.
It's my favourite place.
They have the best omelettes. They know my order. I walk in
the food's basically on the table. I know they'd help you out too.
Get some waffles for you, pancakes, whatever you want.
I love waffles. Let's go there.
The problem is it doesn't open till 6am.
That's like seven hours from now.
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
What could we do with seven hours?
MUSIC: Feels Like The First Time by Foreigner
# I would climb any mountain
# Sail across a stormy sea
# If that's what it takes me, baby
# To show you how much you mean to me
# And I guess it's just the woman in you
# That brings out the man in me
# I know I can't help myself
# You're all in the world to me
# It feels like the first time
# Feels like the very first time
# It feels like the first time
# Feels like the very first time
# I have waited a lifetime
# Spent my time so foolishly
# But now that I've found you
# Together we'll make history
# And I know that it must be the woman in you
# That brings out the man in me
# I know I can't help myself
# You're all my eyes can see
# It feels like the first time
# Like it never did before. #